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    The Argument Crumbles Like A Cookie

    | Stockholm, Sweden | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (It is early November.)

    Customer: “Do you have any gingerbread cookies?”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am. We don’t.”

    Customer: “Why would you not even have gingerbread cookies?”

    Me: “Sorry, but we haven’t even started making them yet this year.”

    Customer: “What? Why the f*** not?”

    Me: “Because here at [Shop's Name], we like to follow the traditions and not start baking Christmas cookies until Christmas time.”

    Customer: “Ah, I see! I’m glad to hear that you follow the traditions. All shops should be like you. I don’t get it why people just can’t wait these days. Everyone is just so d*** greedy!” *wanders off*

    Hard Core Herbivore

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (It’s towards the end of the lunch rush. I am washing dishes in the back of our café. I overhear an exchange between a customer and a coworker.)

    Customer: *very politely* “Could I have a vegetarian pastie, please?”

    Coworker: “I’m very sorry, but I’ve just sold the last one.”

    Customer: “So, there’s no vegetarian pasties?”

    Coworker: “No, I’m sorry. But maybe you’d like to try—”

    Customer: “FINE! I GUESS I’LL JUST F****** STARVE THEN!” *storms out*

    Lying Is All Relative(s), Part 2

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (My sister and I work in a bakery owned by our family; our grandma is the owner.)

    Customer: “Hi. I’m the owner’s daughter. So, I can get my food for free, okay?”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll call your mother in, okay?”

    (The customer nervously nods. I call in my grandma.)

    Grandma: “What is it?”

    Me: “Oh, this customer says you’re her mum.”

    (My grandma looks at the customer.)

    Grandma: “I have never seen you in my life. Also, you look about twenty. So you could pass as my granddaughter, but not as my daughter!”

    (The customer runs out quickly!)

    Related:
    Lying Is All Relative(s)

    To Term A Contradiction

    | Nashville, TN, USA | At The Checkout, Books & Reading, Movies & TV

    (My coworker and I are discussing our avid distaste for the ‘Twilight’ books.)

    Me: “I mean… even if you look past the story line, the syntax is poor, and the vocabulary redundant. I don’t understand how it even qualifies as literature.”

    Coworker: “I know. What’s to gain from even reading it?”

    (A customer approaches, and I take her order. As I’m loading a box of plain glazed donuts for her, I suddenly notice a teenage girl standing at the other end of the counter. She looks quite shy as she waits for assistance. She’s wearing a shirt that I can’t help but admire aloud.)

    Me: “‘…and then Buffy staked Edward. The end.’ I love your shirt!”

    Teenage Girl: *shyly* “…thank you!”

    Me: “My coworker and I were just making fun of that series… what a coincidence!”

    Teenage Girl: *nodding enthusiastically* “I know! I like, totally love Buffy! But I like, totally love Twilight, too!”

    (I feel my smile freeze in place, and politely refrain from commenting further. The girl continues to chatter on about the vastly different vampire series.)

    Teenage Girl: “And I like, totally have this Cullen jacket and some jewelry… and I wore them with this shirt last week and I was, like… all… opposite-y…”

    Me: *smile still frozen in place* “I see…”

    (I finish the other customer’s donut order and ring her up. The teenager doesn’t take the hint and continues to wax poetic about her conflicting interests, trying to hold my attention. My coworker, who has been present for the whole exchange, assists the teenage girl with her order for cookies. After both customers leave, I turn to my coworker.)

    Coworker: “‘Opposite-y?’”

    Me: “I think the word she was looking for was ‘contradiction.’”

    Coworker: “Let’s blame Meyers for that.”

    Me: “Case in point. Not much of a lexicon.”

    A Half-Baked Notion

    | London, England, UK | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

    (I am an 18-year-old male. I work at a local bakery around the corner from my house on the weekends. I’m busy dealing with a customer, who happens to be my older sister by five years. Since it’s quiet at the moment, I’m just having a quick chat with her whilst my coworker deals with the only other customer in the store.)

    Me: “Well, anyway, I should get back to clearing the shelves. I will see you at home later?”

    Sister: “Yea sure!”

    (The other customer has apparently been eavesdropping, and walks up to my sister.)

    Customer: “Don’t you think you should wait until you’re older before you start dating men?”

    (The customer then turns to me.)

    Customer: “AND YOU! You should be ashamed of yourself! This girl can’t be more than 16, and you’re taking advantage of her!”

    (To be fair my sister is short and very slim. I’m 6′ 2″ and quite bulky, so she is often mistaken for being younger than me.)

    Me: “I’m terribly sorry, but you seem to have misunderstood. This is my sister, and she’s actually older than me.”

    Customer: “Don’t you try to justify yourself to me you monster; you’re taking advantage of this poor girl.”

    (The customer then tries to take my sister by the hand and lead her out of the store.)

    Customer: “Come with me, dear; I won’t let that man hurt you.”

    Sister: “No, that really is my brother! You don’t understand.”

    Customer: “No, dear, don’t believe his lies. Let’s get you away from here and call the police.”

    (He drags my sister out onto the street. I rush after them, because as far as I’m concerned, this man is in the act of kidnapping my sister.)

    Me: “Hey stop! GET OFF MY SISTER!”

    (The man turns around to face me, at which point several other store owners have come out to see what’s going on. I decide to make a last ditch attempt to reason with this man before I try and force him to let go of my sister.)

    Me: “Look, I’ve got my ID on me and so does my sister! If we show them to you, will you accept that what were telling you is the truth?”

    Customer: “Fine, but I warn you I know fakes when I see them!”

    (My sister and I both show our IDs, which bear the exact same surname and our dates of birth. I see that it all finally clicks into place in the customer’s brain.)

    Customer: “Oh, well, why didn’t you just say so?”

    (The customer saunters off down the street, merry as you like. Once were sure he’s gone, my sister walks round the corner back home. It’s only then we realize that in all the drama, the customer never actually paid for the bread and cakes he had bought. We all now wonder if he just forgot like we did, or if we were a victim of the most impressive scam to steal bread and cake in history!)


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