October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 9

| Boston, MA, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

(I own a small bakery/coffee shop in Boston. I have three bakers and one barista, as our customer quantity isn’t very high. It’s my barista’s day off, so a baker and I have been rotating between performing her duties and our own.)

Customer: *looks at menu* “Give me a large [smoothie], two cinnamon buns, and a loaf of bread.”

Baker #1: “Yes, sir. Anything else for you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I want a…” *trails off*

Me: *pokes my head out of the kitchen door* “Sorry to interrupt, sir, but my baker is needed elsewhere. [Baker #1], [Baker #2] needs your help.”

Baker #1: “Okay.” *heads to kitchen*

Customer: “I want a specialty coffee with that.”

Me: “Of course, sir. Anything else?”

Customer: “No. And I’m the owner’s husband, so I get free food.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I can’t do that.”

Customer: “What, b****? You’re not going to give me my food? What makes you so special, you little s***?”

Me: “Sir, I refuse to give you free food. You have no connection with the owner.”

Customer: “F*** you. I demand to see the manager.”

Me: “Of course, sir.”

(I go into the kitchen and send Baker #1 out. I hear the man curse some more and demand to see the owner. Baker #1 re-enters and tells me to go back out.)

Me: “Hello again, sir. I hear you wish to speak to the owner.”

(The man stuttered, turned red, and ran off without taking his food.)

Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 8
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 7
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 6

Mom’s Attitude Floored You

| Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(A small boy, aged about six or seven, and his mother approach the counter.)

Mother: “What cake would you like?”

Boy: “That one.” *points to the last chocolate éclair in the shop*

(As I am taking it out of the display, I drop it on the floor.)

Me: “I’m so sorry. That was the last one we had.”

Mother: “Oh, don’t worry. We’ll take it anyway.”

Me: “I really can’t sell it to you; it’s been on the floor. I’m sorry.”

Boy: *excited* “Wait. Mum, you’re going to let me eat something that’s been on the floor? Really? Oh, wow, that’s great. Thanks, Mum! Wow!”

Mother: “I don’t usually let him…”

(I just gave them the cake.)

Must Be Super Baked

| USA | Awesome Workers, Bizarre, Food & Drink

(Our bakery is designed so that customers can see me working. There are large signs proclaiming BAKERY right above the employee door. One day I am bent over doing some intricate detail work on a trim. I am clearly wearing our uniform and appropriate apron.)

Customer: “Do you work in the bakery?”

(I don’t immediately respond, thinking they were addressing my coworker who is right there out on the sales floor.)

Customer: “Excuse me! Do you work in the bakery?”

Me: *look up with a slightly incredulous look on my face* “Yes. What can I help you with?”

(The customer asks a question which I cheerfully answer and they leave. I immediately start laughing. My coworker gives me an inquisitive look.)

Me: “I don’t know why I keep getting that question. Next time I’m going to panic and say ‘OH, GAWD, I’M SLEEP-DECORATING AGAIN! How did I get here?!'”

(We laughed and shook our heads and continued working in our bakery, which we then dubbed ‘The Fakery.’)

Waiting For The Muffin (Little) Man

| TX, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(Our chocolate chip muffins are coveted by kids as an after-school snack. We recommend that people call ahead and have us set one aside if they want to make sure we aren’t out by the time they arrive, since we stop baking muffins around midday. We will also warm up the muffins on request, but only if they will be eaten immediately, as they will be tough once they cool off.)

Me: *answering phone* “Good afternoon, [Store]. How can I help you?”


Me: “Hi, what can I do for you?”

Caller: “…”

Me: “Hello?”


Me: *making the connection between the high-pitched voice and the name of one of our regular second-grader customers* “You want me to save you a muffin, George?”


Me: “I’ll wait and heat it up when you get here. See you soon, buddy.”

When Customer Service Mutates Into Something Else

, | NC, USA | Bizarre, Geeks Rule, Pets & Animals

Me: “My name is [Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “One moment, please.”

Me: “Let me know if you have any questions.”

Customer: “What came first the chicken or the egg?”

Me: “The egg. So the chick could hatch.”

Customer: “Where did the egg come from then?”

Me: *shrugs* “Mutant ostrich.”

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