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    The Definition Of Cold Is Too Hot To Handle

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (It’s about 15 minutes before closing time, and so we have very little hot food left. We do however, continue to sell cold items for customers to take home and cook for themselves.)

    Customer: “Do you have any chicken pies still hot?”

    Me: “Sorry, mate. We’ve sold out of the chicken pies. I’ve still got some cold ones in the fridge though.”

    Customer: “Cold? Like, how cold?”

    Me: “As in refrigerated. They’re not frozen, just cold. Uncooked.”

    Customer: “Ah, okay. I’ll grab one of those thanks.”

    Me: “Sure, that’ll be [price].” *I get the customer his pie*

    Customer: “Ugh! So this is really cold! Can you heat this up for me?”

    Me: “Sorry, I can’t.”

    Customer: “Just real quick, in the microwave?”

    Me: “Sorry. Like I said, the cold pies are uncooked. It needs to be cooked in an oven.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, I don’t want this one, then. When you said ‘cold’ I thought you meant, like, ‘sort of warm.’”

    A Hit Of Caffeine

    | CA, USA | Bizarre, Wild & Unruly

    (The bakery closes at two pm every Sunday. I am out on the patio about an hour after closing, sweeping and stacking furniture. A middle-aged customer and her elderly mother approach.)

    Daughter: “Oh, hi! We’d like to get some coffee, please.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, but the coffee’s all gone now. We’re closed.”

    Daughter: “You are?”

    Me: “Yes. I’m afraid we close at two on Sundays.”

    Mother: “Oh, you bad girl!”

    (The customer proceeds to hit me with her rolled up newspaper, leaving me speechless!)

    How To Make Your Cake Extra ‘Special’

    | NC, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

    (I am helping a customer place an order for two cakes.)

    Me: “Okay, that’s about everything. Did you want anything written on the cakes?”

    Customer: “I’m not sure.” *turns to his wife* “Honey, what should I have written on the cakes? How about ‘Pot’ on one and ‘Luck’ on the other since it’s a potluck?”

    Customer’s Wife: “Are you asking if I think you should have ‘Pot’ written on a cake?”

    Customer: “Good point. No, nothing written on them.”

    Me: “Sounds like a good choice.”

    The Argument Crumbles Like A Cookie

    | Stockholm, Sweden | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (It is early November.)

    Customer: “Do you have any gingerbread cookies?”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am. We don’t.”

    Customer: “Why would you not even have gingerbread cookies?”

    Me: “Sorry, but we haven’t even started making them yet this year.”

    Customer: “What? Why the f*** not?”

    Me: “Because here at [Shop's Name], we like to follow the traditions and not start baking Christmas cookies until Christmas time.”

    Customer: “Ah, I see! I’m glad to hear that you follow the traditions. All shops should be like you. I don’t get it why people just can’t wait these days. Everyone is just so d*** greedy!” *wanders off*

    Hard Core Herbivore

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (It’s towards the end of the lunch rush. I am washing dishes in the back of our café. I overhear an exchange between a customer and a coworker.)

    Customer: *very politely* “Could I have a vegetarian pastie, please?”

    Coworker: “I’m very sorry, but I’ve just sold the last one.”

    Customer: “So, there’s no vegetarian pasties?”

    Coworker: “No, I’m sorry. But maybe you’d like to try—”

    Customer: “FINE! I GUESS I’LL JUST F****** STARVE THEN!” *storms out*


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