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    Deceptive Desserts

    | Florida, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, but I have a complaint to make.”

    Me: “Oh, sure. What’s the matter?”

    Customer: “I heard a group of teenagers over there talking, and they said the cake that you serve is a lie.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “What exactly do you have to say for yourselves?! I come in here, expecting to find a decent establishment, only to find out you are selling fake food!!”

    Me: “Um, ma’am. They were repeating a popular phrase from the internet. I can assure you, the cake that we sell very much exists.”

    Customer: “Prove it! Show me this cake.”

    Me: *points*

    Customer: “Oh. In that case you should write a letter to the internet about how they’re making up rumors about your products.”

    Me: “I’ll… I’ll do that. Thank you.”

    Related: The Cake Is A Lie (urbandictionary.com)

    Self-Rising Expectations

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA |

    Customer: “You bake all of this French bread here?”

    Me: “Yes sir, every day.”

    Customer: “Do you make the dough yourselves, or does it come in frozen?”

    Me: “Oh, it comes in frozen. We bake more than 100 loaves of French bread a day on top of everything else we make, so we really wouldn’t have time to make dough from scratch.”

    Customer: “So you’re cheaters then?!”

    Me: *thinking he’s joking* “Yes, sir, we certainly are!”

    Customer: “Well, that’s shameful!” *to another customer* “Did you know they don’t make the dough themselves?!”

    Customer #2: “It only costs a buck a loaf, dude. What do you want from them?”

    Chippendales, The Golden Years

    | Syracuse, NY, USA |

    (Four elderly men enter the store. They are all at least 70, balding, and at least one has a cane.)

    Manager: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

    Elderly Man #1: “Are those bagels hot, young lady?”

    Manager: “They’re pretty hot. They’ve been out about ten minutes.”

    Elderly Man #2: “But are they as hot as us?”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

    Why Don’t You And I Make It A Baker’s Dozen

    | Ontario, Canada |

    Me: “Hello, **** Bakery, **** speaking. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hey, you sound tired.”

    Me: “Um… yes? How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Rough night last night? I heard you were busy.”

    Me: “Sir?”

    Customer: “Partying worn you out, huh? Well hopefully you aren’t too worn out when you come home, if you know what I mean.”

    Me: “Sir, this is **** Bakery. I believe you’ve dialed the wrong number.”

    Customer: “Well, s**t.”

    Me: “… yes.”

    Customer: “Do YOU want to come over later?”

    Me: “No.” *click*

    Born To Nag

    | Pennsylvania, USA |

    (I was traying up baked goods one Friday night, and around 8 o’clock a middle aged woman walks up to the counter.)

    Woman: “Hello, excuse me?”

    Me: “Yes? Do you need help with anything?”

    Woman: “Yes, I’d like to know if you have baked bread on Sundays?”

    Me: “Yes…this is a bakery. We have fresh bread everyday.”

    Woman: “I know! I was just wondering if it was fresh on Sundays! I don’t want to come in and buy stale bread. I bought a stale loaf one time and it was disgusting!”

    Me: “Well, yes, we do. We don’t sell stale bread, ma’am, or we would get in trouble.”

    Woman: “Okay, I was just making sure! If there was stale bread I would’ve been angry!”

    Me: “Well we actually can’t sell stale bread…it’s a health code issue…”

    Woman: “Well, GOOD! I’m glad you’re finally doing your job.”

    Me: “…”

    (The woman storms off.)


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