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    Sometimes They Travel In Packs

    | Australia | Food & Drink

    (I had just arrived and was beginning my shift, when a teenage girl approached the counter.)

    Customer: “Hi…do you guys sell bread?”

    Me: “Yes we do, anything you’re looking for in particular?”

    Customer: “Yeah…”

    Me: “Which is?”

    Customer: “White bread.”

    Me: “We have several kinds of white bread, what kind would you like?”

    Customer: “Oh…whatever.”

    Me: *grabs the most expensive white bread* “Sliced?”

    Customer: “Yep.”

    Me: “Thick or thin?”

    Customer: “Oh…thick.”

    Me: *slices bread and rings everything up* “That’ll be $5.50.”

    Customer: “Is it too late to get that thin-sliced?”

    Me: “…I could get another loaf for you.”

    Customer: “Oh…nah, I wouldn’t want to be a bother.”

    Me: *hands her her change and her bread* “Have a nice day.”

    (She leaves, and a clearly intoxicated man walks over to my co-worker.)

    Man: “I LIKE YOUR BUNS!”

    (He swears loudly and walks away.)

    Co-worker: “It’s gonna be a long day.”

    Ah, Love/Hate Relationships

    | Staten Island, NY, USA |

    (A woman and her boyfriend walk into the store and up to the cake showcase.)

    Me: “Is there anything I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I need a cake for my sister’s birthday. I want that one…” *points to the cake of her choice*

    Me: “Would you like me to write anything on it?”

    Customer: “Yeah, put ‘Happy Birthday, [sister's name]‘. No, wait… make that, ‘Happy Birthday, Slut’.”

    Customer’s boyfriend: “Do you think you should put that on her birthday cake?”

    Customer: “Yeah, why not? She a slut!”

    Customer’s boyfriend: “Yeah, you right.”

    Customer: *motions to me* “Go on, write that!”

    (I go into the back to write “Happy Birthday, Slut,” and bring the cake back out.)

    Customer: “Oh, that’s perfect! Thank you!”

    Me: “… have a nice day, ma’am.”

    Baked Goods For A Baked Customer

    | Florida, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you sell baked chicken here?”

    Me: “Sorry ma’am, this is a bakery. There is a deli a block down the road.”

    Customer: “Exactly, this is a bakery. You should have the baked chicken I need.”

    Me: “No, we sell baked goods here, like bread and cake. The deli is just a block away down [street].”

    Customer: “You sell BAKED goods at the BAKERY and I want BAKED chicken.”

    Me: *tries something different* “Umm… we’re sold out.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, I guess I’ll go to the deli down the road then.”

    Me: “…”

    Right Next To The Yeast Pie

    | Sooke, BC, Canada |

    Customer: “Where are the bread donuts?”

    Boss: “Um, sorry sir? All our donuts are a yeast base.”

    Customer: “No, no, bread donuts! YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW YOUR OWN BAKING! BREAD DONUTS!”

    Boss: “I’m not sure what you mean. I’m sorry, sir.”

    (The customer storms off grumbling to himself and makes it about 10 feet.)

    Customer: “Oh! Here they are.”

    Boss: “Sir, those are bagels.”

    Deceptive Desserts

    | Florida, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, but I have a complaint to make.”

    Me: “Oh, sure. What’s the matter?”

    Customer: “I heard a group of teenagers over there talking, and they said the cake that you serve is a lie.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “What exactly do you have to say for yourselves?! I come in here, expecting to find a decent establishment, only to find out you are selling fake food!!”

    Me: “Um, ma’am. They were repeating a popular phrase from the internet. I can assure you, the cake that we sell very much exists.”

    Customer: “Prove it! Show me this cake.”

    Me: *points*

    Customer: “Oh. In that case you should write a letter to the internet about how they’re making up rumors about your products.”

    Me: “I’ll… I’ll do that. Thank you.”

    Related: The Cake Is A Lie (urbandictionary.com)

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