Should Have Gone For (M)Academia

| California, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Uncategorized

Customer: “What’s in the White Chocolate Macadamia cookie?”

Me: “White chocolate and macadamias.”

Customer: “Oh, duh,. That was a stupid question.”

Me: “It’s okay, people ask me all the time what kind of nuts are in the ‘Chocolate Almond Joy’.”

Customer: “Oh yeah, ha ha! Walnuts!”

It’s Not Just The Bread That’s Thick

| Madison, WI, USA | Food & Drink

Customer: “How thick do you slice my bread?”

Me: “It depends how thick you’d like it. We have both a thin and thick slicer.” *gestures to show each thickness*

Customer: “Are you sure that’s as thick as you slice the bread? Show me a thick slice. Maybe you got it wrong.”

Me: “Okay, one moment.” *gets a thick slice of bread*

Customer: “That’s it? THAT’S your thick slice? You didn’t grab the thin by mistake?”

Me: “No, sir, I made sure to get a thick slice. I don’t have to slice it if you’d rather do it yourself.”

Customer: “No! I shouldn’t have to slice it myself to make it filling! You should change your bread. I’m used to good, thick European bread. You shouldn’t even be called a bakery, you don’t make real bread!”

Me: “Sorry, I don’t actually make the bread. I just sell it.”

Customer: “Oh, and I suppose you didn’t name the company either?”

Me: “No, I didn’t.”

Customer: “DON’T GET SMART WITH ME!”

The Custom-fur Is Always Right

| Sydney, Australia | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to buy a lemon and lime pie please.”

Me: “I’m sorry miss, we don’t sell those. We never have.”

Customer: “But I was so sure. Let me just check.” *pulls out phone and dials* “Hi, darling…yes, I know, but she says they don’t sell them anymore. Okay, I’ll put you on…”

Customer: “He’d like to talk to you.” *hands me the phone*

Me: “Hi, sir, I’m sorry, but we don’t sell lemon and lime pies.”

Phone: “Woof! Woof! Woof!”

Customer, to me: “You see?!”

The Cake Is A Lie

| Lexington, KY, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Okay, would you like the cake to say anything?”

Customer: “Like what?”

Me: “Happy Birthday? Happy Tenth Birthday?”

Customer: “Oh! Well, if you could teach it to sing ‘Happy Birthday,’ that would be great!”

(I think the customer is joking, so I write “Happy Birthday” on the cake as usual. Later on, the customer calls in complaining that his cake didn’t sing when the candles were lit!)

A Smokin’ Deal

| Ohio, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer comes to me with a package of brownies with a “Special!” sticker on the top.)

Customer: “Excuse me, miss?”

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “Why are these brownies “special”?”

Me: “They’re the bakery’s special of the week. They’re on sale now through Saturday.”

Customer: “So, there’s nothing different about them?”

Me: “I’m not sure what you mean.”

Customer: *winking* “They’re not…’special’ brownies?”

Me: “Oh! No, sorry, they’re just normal brownies.”

Customer: “Never mind, then.” *sets down the container and walks away*

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