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  • It’s Not Just The Bread That’s Thick

    | Madison, WI, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “How thick do you slice my bread?”

    Me: “It depends how thick you’d like it. We have both a thin and thick slicer.” *gestures to show each thickness*

    Customer: “Are you sure that’s as thick as you slice the bread? Show me a thick slice. Maybe you got it wrong.”

    Me: “Okay, one moment.” *gets a thick slice of bread*

    Customer: “That’s it? THAT’S your thick slice? You didn’t grab the thin by mistake?”

    Me: “No, sir, I made sure to get a thick slice. I don’t have to slice it if you’d rather do it yourself.”

    Customer: “No! I shouldn’t have to slice it myself to make it filling! You should change your bread. I’m used to good, thick European bread. You shouldn’t even be called a bakery, you don’t make real bread!”

    Me: “Sorry, I don’t actually make the bread. I just sell it.”

    Customer: “Oh, and I suppose you didn’t name the company either?”

    Me: “No, I didn’t.”

    Customer: “DON’T GET SMART WITH ME!”

    The Custom-fur Is Always Right

    | Sydney, Australia |

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to buy a lemon and lime pie please.”

    Me: “I’m sorry miss, we don’t sell those. We never have.”

    Customer: “But I was so sure. Let me just check.” *pulls out phone and dials* “Hi, darling…yes, I know, but she says they don’t sell them anymore. Okay, I’ll put you on…”

    Customer: “He’d like to talk to you.” *hands me the phone*

    Me: “Hi, sir, I’m sorry, but we don’t sell lemon and lime pies.”

    Phone: “Woof! Woof! Woof!”

    Customer, to me: “You see?!”

    The Cake Is A Lie

    | Lexington, KY, USA |

    Me: “Okay, would you like the cake to say anything?”

    Customer: “Like what?”

    Me: “Happy Birthday? Happy Tenth Birthday?”

    Customer: “Oh! Well, if you could teach it to sing ‘Happy Birthday,’ that would be great!”

    (I think the customer is joking, so I write “Happy Birthday” on the cake as usual. Later on, the customer calls in complaining that his cake didn’t sing when the candles were lit!)

    A Smokin’ Deal

    | Ohio, USA |

    (A customer comes to me with a package of brownies with a “Special!” sticker on the top.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, miss?”

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Why are these brownies “special”?”

    Me: “They’re the bakery’s special of the week. They’re on sale now through Saturday.”

    Customer: “So, there’s nothing different about them?”

    Me: “I’m not sure what you mean.”

    Customer: *winking* “They’re not…’special’ brownies?”

    Me: “Oh! No, sorry, they’re just normal brownies.”

    Customer: “Never mind, then.” *sets down the container and walks away*

    Do Not Get Hitched, Go Directly To Jail

    | Carlisle, PA, USA |

    Customer:: “I’d like to order a cake.”

    Me: “Alright, what size cake did you want?”

    (We go through the details of the cake.)

    Me: “And what did you want the cake to say?”

    Customer:: “Welcome home from jail. Will you marry me?”

    Me: “Okay…”

    (The next week, the same customer comes back in with the cake.)

    Customer:: “I’d like a refund.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. What is wrong with it?”

    Customer:: “He said no!”

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