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    Grow Up Or Melt Down

    | Colorado, USA | Food & Drink

    Me: “Hello, [bakery], [my name] speaking. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I have a complaint about the cake you guys made for me.”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that, sir. What was the problem?”

    Customer: “It melted.”

    Me: “Sir, did you purchase an ice cream cake?”

    Customer: “Yes, and it melted when I left it on my counter last night.”

    Me: “Sir, ice cream cake is made out of ice cream and will melt if you don’t keep it in the freezer.”

    Customer: “This is not acceptable. I do not baby my cakes!”

    English And Polish And French, Oh My

    | Krakow, Poland | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (Our bakery in question sells the best cupcakes, muffins and American coffee in town. It attracts a lot of English-speaking clients. Therefore, all the staff speaks excellent English. I am standing in line behind an elegant woman in her mid 30s.)

    Cashier, in Polish: “Good morning, ma’am. What can I get you?”

    Customer, in French: “I’d like a coffee with milk, please.”

    Cashier, switching to English: “Oh, I’m sorry, ma’am. I don’t speak French.”

    Customer, in French: *appalled* “What?! I don’t understand! You’re talking to me in English!”

    (She turns to other customers in line.)

    Customer, in French: “She’s talking to me in English!”

    Me, to the cashier: “I know French. Maybe I could help?”

    Me, to the customer, in French: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Maybe I could translate for you? What would you–”

    Customer, in French: “She’s talking to me in English!”

    Me: “Yes, she is. She doesn’t speak French. Don’t worry, I can translate for you.”

    Customer: “But we’re in Poland! And she’s talking to me in English! Isn’t that illegal?!”

    Hanging Around For A Maternity

    | Missoula, MT, USA | Uncategorized

    (It is about an hour before closing time. A customer walks in and looks curiously at me.)

    Customer: “How are you?”

    Me: “I’m fine.”

    Customer: “You know, I’m organizing this charity event. To support unwed young mothers and those with unexpected pregnancies.”

    (The customer pulls out a pamphlet with a sad-eyed girl and sets it on the counter.)

    Customer: “You should come.”

    Me: “No, I’m fine. Thank you.”

    Customer: “These things happen to lots of people. There’s nothing wrong with seeking help.”

    Me: “I’m Mormon. And not married. And we preach abstinence until marriage.”

    Customer: “Everyone slips here and there.”

    Me: “Not me. I’m not pregnant, and won’t be for a long, long time. But, uh, thank you.”

    Customer: “Well, how about any of your friends? You look like the type–”

    Me: “No, my friends are fine too. Have a good night.”

    Customer: “We could always use donations, you know.”

    Me: “I work in a grocery store, and I’m a student. I don’t have any money to donate.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s disappointing.”

    Baking Up Baby

    | NY, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello, sir. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to get cookies. How much are they?”

    Me: “By the size of the box or the bag. We have 4 and 8 pound bags, and different sized boxes.”

    Customer: “8 pound bag? So I could fit a whole baby in there?”


    | Chattanooga, TN, USA | Top

    (A customer comes to pick up her cake. I hand it to her and she starts to laugh.)

    Customer: “You’ve spelled this wrong, honey.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I can fix it for you right away. How do you spell the name?”

    Customer: “The name is right. It’s ‘Congratulations’ you’ve spelled wrong.”

    (I look at the cake but see no error.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t see a mistake.”

    Customer: “Right here. You’ve spelled it with a ‘t’ instead of a ‘d’. It’s okay. You can just give me a discount and I’ll go on with it.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but I’m not authorized to give discounts.”

    Customer: “I want to speak to the manager.”

    (Long story short, we ended up having to find a dictionary to prove I had spelled it right. She didn’t get a discount.)

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