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    A Bit Grey With Anatomy, Part 2

    | Concord, MA, USA |

    (A girl begins to choke on some bread. The mother then proceeds to try and give the daughter some bizarre imitation of the Heimlich Manoeuvre.)

    Me: “Ma’am, wait for her to stop coughing before you help her.”

    Customer: “What? She’ll die by then!”

    Me: “I’m certified in CPR, I know what I’m talking about. It’s not an emergency until she can’t cough. When she can’t cough anymore, I can help her.”

    (The customer is now basically punching her daughter in the stomach, and I’m becoming increasingly worried that she is going to injure her. Suddenly, the girl stops coughing.)

    Customer: “See, I didn’t need your help. And you know what? I’m certified too; I watch Grey’s Anatomy every time it’s on!”

    Related:
    A Bit Grey With Anatomy

    Taxing Faxing, Part 7

    | Sydney, Australia | Food & Drink

    Me: “Hi, [Cake Shop], how may I help you?”

    Caller: “Yeah hi, do you have cake boxes?”

    Me: “Like the ones we put the sold cakes into?”

    Caller: “Yeah, but do you have just plain coloured ones?”

    Me: “No, sorry, we only have ones with the company’s logo on it.”

    Caller: “Well, can you order one? I told my friend that I got a special cake shop to make the cake, but I made it, and all I need is a plain box.”

    Me: “Sorry, we can’t do that.”

    Caller: “Okay then, I’ll just get the one with a logo. Can you mail it?”

    Me: “No, that’s not store policy. Customers have to collect it themselves.”

    Caller: “Well, then just fax it to me.” *tells me his number – and before I can respond* “Thank you!” *hangs up*

    Related:
    Taxing Faxing, Part 6
    Taxing Faxing, Part 5
    Taxing Faxing, Part 4
    Taxing Faxing, Part 3
    Taxing Faxing, Part 2
    Taxing Faxing

    Sinfully Delicious

    | Savannah, GA, USA | Food & Drink, Religion

    (This bakery is a vintage style, family owned bakery with custom names for each product.)

    Customer: "As a man of the cloth, I know this is a weird order. But could I get a Hazel Feelgood and a Drunk Blondie?"

    Loathe Of Bread

    | Sydney, Australia | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I work at a bakery that cuts bread with a machine.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, would you like me to cut your bread for you?”

    Customer: “How?”

    Me: “This machine here will cut it.”

    Customer: “You use a machine rather then cutting it by hand?!”

    Me: “Yes sir, it is quicker and gets the job done well.”

    Customer: *at this point he is getting furious* “This is outrageous! You use a machine to do a mans job! You are putting people out of their jobs! You are ruining the natural process of man and the cutting of bread.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, I didn’t realize. Would you like me to cut your bread by hand?”

    Customer: “No, use the machine! I’m in a big rush to get to my sister’s place. It’s her birthday, you know.”

    Gluten-Free Is Not A Cure For Gluttony

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Food & Drink

    (I work in a bakery where all the products are gluten free.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, what are these things that look like chocolate chip cookies?”

    Me: “They’re chocolate chip cookies, sir.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. And what are these things that look like éclairs?”

    Me: “They’re éclairs.”

    Customer: “And these things that look like fruit tarts?”

    Me: “They’re fruit tarts.”

    *pause*

    Customer: “So what the h*** does ‘gluten-free’ mean?”

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