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    Half-Baked Conviction

    | OH, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (A customer calls into the bakery from another state wanting to order some baked goods for a friend of hers in our city. She begins the conversation trying to ascertain that we were a popular bakery, and that people in the city actually buy from us. This line of questioning takes about 10 minutes.)

    Caller: “Between you, me, and the light post, do your baked goods actually taste good?”

    Customers In Glass Stores Shouldn’t Throw Stones

    | Austin, TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (My store is right next to a movie theater in a really rich area. The mall mostly caters to wealthy adults, and as such does not have a food court. My store is the only non-sit down food in the mall. I have just closed down for the night. My store front is glass without blinds.)

    Group Of Teenagers: *banging on the windows and doors* “Hey! Let us in! We need cookies!”

    (They then proceed to pull on the door and make all sorts of noise. Finally I confront them.)

    Me: “My store is closed. You were aware of this and still you banged on the door and nearly set off the alarm. Now you have left marks all over my windows and doors. You will clean them up now, and then you will leave.”

    (I hand them paper towels and window cleaner.)

    Lead Teenage Boy: “I don’t have to do that! You can’t make me! What’ll happen if I don’t?”

    Me: Well, [Lead Teenage Boy], not only do I know your name, as well as where you live, I can ban you from the store and have security escort you from the property. I can also look at the door carefully and if there is damage, file a report with the police department. I guess you forgot that I used to ride your bus, didn’t you?

    (They proceeded to clean up the windows and never banged on my doors again. Believe it or not, they were not the only kids whom I made clean the glass.)

    Completely Taking The Mickey

    | Madrid, Spain | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Money, Top

    (A customer approaches me in the counter while I finish ringing up another. I’m sure she has come to the bakery a couple of times, but she’s not exactly a regular.)

    Customer: “So nice to see you!”

    Me: “Sure, it has been a while since I last saw you.”

    Customer: “That’s because I was on a trip, to [Theme Park]”

    Me: *smiling politely* “That sounds good.”

    Customer: *looking in her purse* “I actually bought you something.”

    (She takes a Theme Park Character figurine, putting it in the counter. I stare, confused.)

    Me: “Uh, thanks, I guess… So, have you found anything you like around? We just made these new cupcakes.”

    Customer: “Of course I saw them.”

    (Puts three boxes on the counter, and I proceed to ring them up.)

    Me: “Your total is €9.”

    Customer: “Oh, no, just with the [Theme Park Character] is fine.”

    (I stare confused.)

    Customer: “Yes, you see, this thing was €10, so I give you this in exchange. An exchange. That’s fine, right?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m truly grateful you thought of us, but we do not accept exchange here.

    You can either pay with cash or credit card…”

    (She shakes her head, and grabs the figure to slam it in the counter. The thing doesn’t seem €10 in the slightest, since it’s about three inches tall.)

    Customer: “No! I already told you this covers all the total! And even, you owe me €1!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we can’t accept this. You can keep this [Theme Park Character] and pay with cash or credit card, as I said.”

    Customer: “No way!”

    (She grabs the cupcake boxes and starts to leave. My yells to call her back are heard by my coworkers, who help me and stop her from leaving. The woman had to be practically dragged away. The Theme Park Character remained on the counter for several hours, until a family comes up to the counter and the figure catches the attention of the son.)

    Kid: “I’ve got one like this! It came with my meal at [Famous Burger Chain]!”

    Not A Very Smart Cookie

    | OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (A customer is standing in the store looking at the case of pastries.)

    Customer: “What’s a peanut butter cookie?”

    Me: “It’s a cookie with peanut butter.”

    Customer: “What’s a chocolate chip cookie?”

    Me: “It’s a cookie with chocolate chips in it.”

    Customer: “What’s the difference?”

    Me: “The peanut butter cookie has peanut butter and no chocolate chips, and the chocolate chip cookie has chocolate chips and no peanut butter.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand the difference.” *deliberates for a few minutes* “I’ll get one of each…”

    Eternal Persistence Is The Price Of Pie

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

    Customer: “Can I have the [flavor] pie?”

    Me: “Sure! Would you like sauce with that?”

    Customer: “And it’s to eat-in please.”

    Me: “Sure. Do you need tomato sauce?”

    Customer: “I’ll also have a [coffee] with that.”

    Me: “I’ll add that to your order. Do you need tomato sauce for the pie?”

    Customer: “Make sure its skinny milk! And I’ll also have a slice of cake.”

    Me: *giving up* “Sure. Was there anything else I can get you today?”

    Customer: “No, thanks. That’s all.”

    Me: “Okay, so that comes to [total]. Here’s your table number.”

    Customer: *hands over money but doesn’t move*

    Me: “Um, if you’d like to take the table number, ma’am, we’ll bring everything out for you.”

    Customer: “Well, can I get some sauce first?”

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