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    Bambi: Unrated Version

    | Jacksonville, FL, USA | Family & Kids, Movies & TV, Pets & Animals, Themed Giveaway

    (I am babysitting my eight-year-old neighbor. They have just recently bought a guinea pig, and I am holding him.)

    Girl: “My friend Chloe has a pet bunny.”

    Me: “Oh really? What’s its name?”

    Girl: “Humper.”

    Me: “What?!”

    Girl: “Yeah, her bunny’s name is Humper!”

    (I am a bit confused, but then it dawns on me.)

    Me: “Um, I think you meant to say Thumper.”

    Girl: “Oh! Yeah, that’s what I meant. The bunny’s name is Thumper!”

    (By this point, I am cracking up.)

    Girl: “What’s so funny?”

    Brace(let) Yourself For The New Generation

    | OH, USA | Family & Kids, One-Liners

    (My friends and I are running a babysitting service for Valentine’s Day. The kids we are watching range from two to nine years old. I’m sitting with the oldest kid, making bracelets with her.)

    9-Year-Old Girl: “Have you seen that YouTube video X-Box Girls Get Revenge?”

    (This video has a lot of cussing and sexual jokes.)

    Me: “Yes, I have. I think the real question here is why have you seen it?”

    9-Year-Old Girl: “What?”

    Me: “That stuff is aimed at high-school and college students, not third graders.”

    9-Year-Old Girl: “Well, third graders have changed.”

    Me: “Oh, yeah?”

    9-Year-Old Girl: “Yeah! We’re a lot more mature and independent!”

    Me: “Uh… huh.”

    9-Year-Old Girl: “Now, can you tie this bracelet for me, please?”