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    Doesn’t Even Know Where To Start(er)

    | OH, USA | Extra Stupid, History, Top, Transportation

    (I work at an auto parts store in a small town in the Appalachian foothills. I am talking to an elderly customer.)

    Customer: “I need a starter for my 1990 Plymouth Acclaim.”

    Me: “Alright. There were two different starters used on that car. One was made by Bosch, and the other was made by Mitsubishi. Do you know which one your car has?”

    Customer: “No. I don’t. I’ll have to find out.”

    Me: “Well, it’s okay. They will both work interchangeably. Just be aware that they do look completely different from each other, The one I sell you might look different, but it will still fit and work fine. It looks like the Mitsubishi starter is less expensive, so I’ll grab that one for you. Okay?”

    Customer: “Now hold on a second. I don’t want no Mitsubishi anything! Don’t you know? Japan was against us in World War II!”

    Me: “Alright, sir. I’ll get you the German-made Bosch starter.”

    Customer: “Now, that’s better!”

    Making Headway With The Headlights

    | Pasadena, MD, USA | Crazy Requests, Transportation

    (I work at an auto parts store. We are not certified to repair cars; we are just a retail shop. I do, however, let customers know that if a cashier feels they are able to help in any way that we will do so.)

    Me: “Hello, there. How may I help you today?”

    Customer: “I need a headlight for my car.”

    Me: “Okay. What is the year, make, and model?”

    (The customer tells me the car. She pays, and then walks outside. I begin stocking shelves, when she comes back a few minutes later looking very angry.)

    Customer: “What do you think you’re doing?!”

    Me: “Um… stocking shelves?”

    Customer: “Why aren’t you helping me outside?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you still needed help.”

    Customer: “Who else is going to put my headlight in?!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, we don’t normally do that, but I am willing to take a look to see if I can help you in any way.”

    Customer: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WON’T PUT IT IN!?”

    Me: “I didn’t say that. I told you I will have a look.”

    Customer: “Fine. Just do it!”

    (I walk outside, and look at her car. As I feared I would have to remove the bumper and headlight assembly to replace her bulb. This is something I am not willing to risk my job for.)

    Me: “I am sorry, ma’am, but I can not assist you. I would have to remove your bumper and the headlight case to replace your bulb. I do not have the tools or experience to do this.”

    Customer: “I don’t CARE. Just do it!”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Excuse me!?”

    Me: “I said, no. I will not install your headlight.”

    Customer: “Well, you need to—”

    Me: “No. You NEED to listen. This is NOT a repair shop. I have been very nice to you and tried to help you to the best of my ability. Replacing your headlight requires more work than we are allowed to do by company policy. Now, if you would stop yelling at me, I will be more than happy to give you the number of a proper repair shop.”

    Customer: “I… Yes. I’m sorry.”

    (I gave her the number and name of a shop. I have seen her come in and, thankfully, she has been very pleasant ever since.)

    To Her Question You Say Neigh

    | Perth, WA, Australia | Pets & Animals

    (I work at a motoring and leisure store that sells car accessories and camping gear.)

    Me: “Welcome to [auto store]. How may I help you?

    Caller: “Hi there! I just need some help. I’m after a horse for my daughter and I was wondering if you had any white ones?”

    Me: “…I’m sorry; did you say you wanted a horse?”

    Caller: “Yes, a white one!”

    Me: “Ma’am, this is an auto store; we don’t sell horses, or any animals for that matter.”

    Caller: “Of course you do; you guys are that huge blue store in the complex. I buy bird seed from you every month!”

    (I’m confused, because we are a large blue store, but we certainly don’t sell bird seed.)

    Me: “I can guarantee you we don’t sell bird seed, or horses.”

    Caller: “But you’re the blue store!”

    (I cover the phone and explain her request to my co-worker, who looks very amused. He takes the phone.)

    Coworker: “Hi, ma’am, my coworker has explained your situation to me. I believe you may be talking about [pet and garden supply store]. They are in the same complex, and they are a blue store. I assume that’s where you bought your bird seed from.” *pauses while the caller is talking* “Not a problem, ma’am, but I don’t think they sell horses. In fact they only sell fish, and pet and garden supplies.”

    (He pauses again, and puts the speaker-phone on.)

    Caller: “…and they are going to sell me a HORSE, d*** it!” *click*