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    Brakes Can Drive You Crazy

    | Austin, TX, USA | Extra Stupid

    (My manager is talking to a customer about what they need fixed on their car. I often eavesdrop so I can hear from a person’s own words what is wrong. It often helps me to diagnose the problem.)

    Customer: “The truck isn’t running right. It doesn’t have power and runs rough.”

    Me: “Well, when do you notice the problem?’

    Customer: “When I’m slowing down.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, it doesn’t have power when braking? ”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Do you mean the brakes don’t feel right?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “What about when you get back on the gas pedal? Does it go fine?”

    Customer: “Oh, yes it has plenty of power then.”

    Me: “So, when you are on the brakes and slowing down, the truck doesn’t have power, but when you get back on the throttle it has plenty of power?”

    Customer: “Exactly.”

    Me: *speechless*

    (We take the car in and run full diagnostics. I never found anything wrong with the truck. It ran like it was brand new and had very few miles on it.)

    The Stupidity Never Stops

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Extra Stupid

    Me: "Well, we performed the courtesy inspection we discussed this morning and found your front brakes at minimum specification. We do recommend getting your pads and rotors replaced at $**."

    Customer: *in a whiney tone* "Do I have to?"

    Me: "If you never need to stop your vehicle, I wouldn’t worry about it."

    Not A Believer

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Liars & Scammers, Money

    Me: “Hello, can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, how much is an oil change?”

    Me: “$38.99.”

    Caller: “Okay, well usually I bring in a coupon and they give me money off, but I don’t have it with me this time. Can you just give me a discount?”

    Me: “No, we actually need to scan the hard copy itself to enter a discount.”

    Caller: “Well, what if I bring in a make-believe coupon?”

    Me: “A what?”

    Caller: “You know, a make-believe coupon?”

    Me: “Those are good for make-believe oil changes.”

    Diagnostics Through Osmosis

    | Las Vegas, NV, USA |

    (I was working part-time in my dad’s shop when a customer came in with a blue Kia Pride.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, ma’am. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “My car don’t work.”

    Me: “OK, ma’am. What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “It don’t work.”

    Me: “Um, could you specify, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I just told you, it don’t work.”

    Me: “Uh, OK…let me just take a look to see what the problem is.”

    Customer: “No!!”

    Me: “Huh? Why?!”

    Customer: “Nobody goes into my property, and my car is my property!!”

    Me: “But I have to see your car to know what the problem is, ma’am.”

    Customer: “I just told you! It don’t work!”

    Me: “…”

    (Turns out, she just ran out of gas.)

    Dads: Gotta Love ‘Em

    | Massachusetts, USA | Top

    (My father owns an auto shop, where I sometimes work part time. Late one afternoon, a woman comes in.)

    Me: “May I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes. I need my car inspected.”

    Me: “Well, we’re not taking any more inspections this afternoon. May I schedule you for tomorrow?”

    Customer: “No, I want my car inspected now.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we take in our last inspection at 4:00 so we have time to pack up and shut down the machine.”

    Customer: “Yes, but I just bought my car from *** and they told me I could bring my car here to get inspected for free.”

    Me: “Yes, they will pay for your inspection here, but we’re closing soon. I’d be happy to schedule you an appointment for another day.”

    Customer: “No! This is an outrage! At *** they told me I could bring in my car ANY TIME to be inspected here!”

    Me: “Um… well…”

    Customer: “I want my car inspected RIGHT NOW. They told me I could have it inspected any time!”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s 4:45 and we are closing in 15 minutes. We don’t have time…”

    Customer: “Where is your manager!? I want to speak to your manager!”

    Me: “Um… I’m afraid he’s out test driving a car.”

    Customer: “That’s unacceptable! Is there anyone else I can talk to? I need to get my car inspected!”

    Me: “Hold on…”

    (I go out into the shop and check, but sure enough the only other person still here this late is the trainee mechanic. The woman proceeds to yell at us for about ten minutes. Eventually, my dad returns from his test drive.)

    Me: “Dad, can you help this woman?”

    Dad: “What can I do for you today?”

    Customer: “I brought my car here from *** for an inspection but they won’t give one to me!”

    (My dad proceeds to tell her everything I told her, smiling through all her abuse. Eventually…)

    Customer: “Fine! This is an outrage! I’m going to write a complaint letter to *** about you!”

    Dad: “Yeah, good luck with that.”

    Me: “My God.”

    Dad: “Let me give you a little advice about people like that. When somebody gets all worked up at you like that, you need to remain calm. Because the calmer you are, the angrier they get, and it’s REALLY funny.”


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