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    Satisfaction Level: Impossible

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Top

    (I am the manager on duty on a Sunday afternoon when I receive a phone call from an upset lady.)

    Caller: “I need to complain about my car I had there on Friday night before you closed. They didn’t fix my car!”

    Me: “Did they say why not?”

    Caller: “They made up something about not having a part, but I know it was because they were lazy and didn’t want to fix it!”

    Me: “Well, that’s a bit unusual. My guys get paid on commission and want to do every job possible so they can make more money.”

    Caller: “No! They were just being lazy! I had to take my car to the dealership on Monday and they were able to fix it right away!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the dealership carries all of those parts. That’s where we get our parts from if we can’t get them from any other source. If it was late on a Friday night, the dealership was probably already closed.”

    Caller: “Bull****! I am VERY upset about your poor service! I thought you were the manager! I want to know what you are going to do for me about this!”

    Me: “I’m sorry we weren’t able to help you to your satisfaction, ma’am. I can’t give you a refund because we didn’t charge you anything. I’d offer to fix the car at a discount, but you say it’s already been fixed. What is it you would like for me to do for you, ma’am?”

    Caller: “Well, you know what you’re supposed to do in these cases!”

    Me: “Well, normally I’d offer a discount or a refund, but neither of those would help you. Is there anything else I can offer you? I am sorry for your inconvenience.”

    Caller: “I don’t want your stupid apology! I can’t believe you are refusing to help me!”

    Me: “I’m not refusing, Ma’am. I just don’t know what it is you want.”

    Caller: “You know what I want!! I want you to do what you’re supposed to!”

    Me: “And what is that?”

    Caller: “You know what you’re supposed to do! I’m going to call your corporate office and have you fired!”

    Me: “Ma’am, if you don’t tell me what it is you want, I don’t know what to do for you.”

    Caller: “Don’t give me that! I’m going to have you fired!” *hangs up*

    Brakes Can Drive You Crazy

    | Austin, TX, USA | Extra Stupid

    (My manager is talking to a customer about what they need fixed on their car. I often eavesdrop so I can hear from a person’s own words what is wrong. It often helps me to diagnose the problem.)

    Customer: “The truck isn’t running right. It doesn’t have power and runs rough.”

    Me: “Well, when do you notice the problem?’

    Customer: “When I’m slowing down.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, it doesn’t have power when braking? ”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Do you mean the brakes don’t feel right?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “What about when you get back on the gas pedal? Does it go fine?”

    Customer: “Oh, yes it has plenty of power then.”

    Me: “So, when you are on the brakes and slowing down, the truck doesn’t have power, but when you get back on the throttle it has plenty of power?”

    Customer: “Exactly.”

    Me: *speechless*

    (We take the car in and run full diagnostics. I never found anything wrong with the truck. It ran like it was brand new and had very few miles on it.)

    The Stupidity Never Stops

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Extra Stupid

    Me: "Well, we performed the courtesy inspection we discussed this morning and found your front brakes at minimum specification. We do recommend getting your pads and rotors replaced at $**."

    Customer: *in a whiney tone* "Do I have to?"

    Me: "If you never need to stop your vehicle, I wouldn’t worry about it."

    Not A Believer

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Liars & Scammers, Money

    Me: “Hello, can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, how much is an oil change?”

    Me: “$38.99.”

    Caller: “Okay, well usually I bring in a coupon and they give me money off, but I don’t have it with me this time. Can you just give me a discount?”

    Me: “No, we actually need to scan the hard copy itself to enter a discount.”

    Caller: “Well, what if I bring in a make-believe coupon?”

    Me: “A what?”

    Caller: “You know, a make-believe coupon?”

    Me: “Those are good for make-believe oil changes.”

    Diagnostics Through Osmosis

    | Las Vegas, NV, USA |

    (I was working part-time in my dad’s shop when a customer came in with a blue Kia Pride.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, ma’am. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “My car don’t work.”

    Me: “OK, ma’am. What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “It don’t work.”

    Me: “Um, could you specify, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I just told you, it don’t work.”

    Me: “Uh, OK…let me just take a look to see what the problem is.”

    Customer: “No!!”

    Me: “Huh? Why?!”

    Customer: “Nobody goes into my property, and my car is my property!!”

    Me: “But I have to see your car to know what the problem is, ma’am.”

    Customer: “I just told you! It don’t work!”

    Me: “…”

    (Turns out, she just ran out of gas.)

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