October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

A Receipt Defeat

| Whitehorse, YK, Canada | Crazy Requests, Transportation

Customer: “Hey, you wouldn’t happen to remember me, would you?”

Me: “No, I can’t say that I do.”

Customer: “Well, I bought a car battery off you a couple of months ago and I was just wondering if you remembered me.”

Me: “No, I don’t remember you.”

Customer: “I was hoping you would remember me buying a battery from you. It wasn’t that long ago.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, but I don’t remember you at all. Why is it important that I remember selling a battery to you?”

Customer: “I want to bring a battery back and get a new one under warranty”

Me: “All you need to bring a battery back under warranty is the original receipt. You don’t need to find the same person that sold you the battery.”

Customer: “That’s the thing; I can’t find the receipt so I was hoping you could vouch for me buying the battery from you so I could exchange the battery.”

Me: “Even if I remembered you, you still need the original receipt and paperwork with the serial number and warranty program number on it.”

Customer: “So there’s no way to get an exchange on a battery without the receipt even if you remember me?”

Me: “Yes.Even if I remembered you, you still need the receipt.”

Customer: “Do you guys keep a copy of the receipt anywhere?”

Me: “No, sir, we give you the receipt.”

Customer: “Wow, that sucks.”

Try Whoson First

| MO, USA | Language & Words, Transportation

Me: *on the phone with my mechanic* “Do you do body work?”

Mechanic: “I’m afraid not.”

Me: “Could you recommend someone?”

Mechanic: “Recommended?”

Me: “Yes.”

Mechanic: “Okay.” *long pause*

Me: “So, do you know anyone?”

Mechanic: “Recommended?”

Me: “Yes.”

Mechanic: “They’re out on Highway 24.”

Me: “Who?”

Mechanic: “Recommended?”

(We go back and forth until he finally spells it for me: Wreck-a-mended.)

About To Get Charged With Battery, Part 5

| State College, PA, USA | Bigotry, Transportation

(I am the only female in the auto shop so I am used to people questioning my knowledge and judgment.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir. I need you to pull your car over to the parking spaces right over there. You can then come in and we will happy to wait on you.”

Customer: “No! I am not moving my car until you give me a free battery! You sold me a bad battery!”

Me: *thinking this could be quick* “I am so sorry to hear that, sir. I would be happy to test the battery. They are warranted for two to four years depending on the battery. If it is under warranty, a new one will be free. May I see your receipt, please?”

Customer: “I don’t have the d*** receipt! It was too long ago! I want a battery now!”

Me: “Well, I cannot do anything without a receipt. But I bet you do have it. There is a plastic pocket on the side of every battery we sell. We always put a duplicate receipt in that pocket. Let’s just take a look.”

(I look at the battery.)

Me: “Sir. This is not our battery. [Retail Store] has never sold this battery in any of its thousand chains across the United States. This is an economy battery that is sold at [Different Store]. We can do nothing for you except sell you a new battery.”

(The customer lets out a litany of swear words. I warn him about it so he agrees to look at batteries but refuses to move his car until I install it. We look at batteries and the cheapest one is $45. He goes nuts on this how we sell crap batteries that never last. I remind him we never sold him that battery. He also lets slip it is six years old.)

Me: “What I can do is charge up your battery for free. Now, that will only last a day to a week, depending. But that will give you time to gather money to get a new battery.”

Customer: “That would be so great! Thank you! Thank you! You are so nice!”

(It is policy that when we charge a battery, we check to see if it is good. The battery is good. It needs to be charged but it will hold a charge. So, I test the alternator. Sure enough, the alternator is bad.)

Me: “Sir. Good news is your battery is fine. Bad news is your alternator is bad.”

Customer: “What are you talking about? I just bought a new alternator! You guys sell crap junk! I don’t believe this! I want a new alternator. You do this just to rip people off.”

Me: “Well, sir. We don’t touch alternators except to test them, so we are not ripping anyone off. Go to any mechanic and they would charge for these tests I just did for free. My suggestion is, I will charge the battery but you need to get a new alternator.”

Customer: “No, I need to talk to a man who knows his business. You think because you have t**s you can rip people off. Get me a real mechanic. Alternators have nothing to do with batteries.”

Me: “Well, my t**s know more about alternators than you do. See the battery starts the car up but then it runs on the alternator. The battery is 12 volts and every time you start the car it drains it a little. A good alternator puts out 14 volts or more but you need at least 12 to keep the battery up. Yours is putting out 9 volts.”

Customer: “I just bought that alternator two years ago! I am getting ripped off!”

Me: “Sir, this car is possibly older than I am. So, you bought a reconditioned alternator. They usually only last two years if it was a cheap one.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I can’t afford… Wait a minute! I know! Let’s put some of those batteries from up in front of the store in it!”

Me: “What batteries?”

Customer: “You’re the expert, right? Well, you said if the battery was good and charged it would last for a little while. So I want to put those cheap batteries I saw up front when I came in.”

Me: “We don’t have any car batteries up front. They are too heavy to be constantly dragging back here. Can you show me what you mean?”

Me: *after following the customer up front* “Sir, which batteries? I don’t see any.”

Customer: “Right there!” *pointing*

Me: “Sir. These are 9-volt batteries meant for electronics.”

Customer: “Well, miss car expert, YOU said a car battery is 12 volts. So I want you to put two of those in my car and then it will be 18 volts and then maybe with the extra, it will charge my alternator up!”

Me: “I… I don’t even know how to respond to that.”

About To Get Charged With Battery, Part 4
About To Get Charged With Battery, Part 3
About To Get Charged With Battery, Part 2

Needs To Inspect Their Own Irony

| Suwannee, GA, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(It’s Christmas Eve, and we are slammed with everyone coming to get that last final checkup before going on vacation.)

Me: “Welcome to [Auto Shop]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to have my car inspected. I’m getting ready to go on a long trip and I don’t have much time. Can you get this done quickly?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, we have about a one hour wait before we can get you in.”

Customer: “Wow, I didn’t think it would be this busy being it’s the day before Christmas. You know if people didn’t come in on holidays the big corporations wouldn’t open their doors on them.”

Me: “So that’s a no to the inspection?”

Customer: “Oh, no, I totally want to still do it. I’m just saying.”

Making Universal University Assumptions

| USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, School

(I am in college and working full-time as the receptionist for a car repair shop to pay my way. Because I don’t always have customers calling or coming in, the management allows me to bring my homework with me, provided I can put it down immediately when someone phones or comes in. I am 21 and look very young for my age. One older customer walks in and looks down at the book on the desk while I’m pulling her file.)

Customer: “Does your teacher know you’re skipping class?”

Me: “Well… this is just my homework. Now, about your car—”

Customer: “What? High schools don’t have class at night. Is it even legal for you to be here?”

Me: “Actually, I’m in college. I’m 21; I just look a lot younger than I am.”

Customer: “Do not lie to me, young lady. You should be ashamed of yourself. Skipping class and lying. Does your manager know this?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but I’m not in high school. And I’m working on my schoolwork here, so I’m obviously not trying to ditch schoolwork. Now, if I can get you to sign these papers here, we’ll get the estimator to come and—”

Customer: “Nonsense! You’re just trying to get out of responsibility, and now that I’ve caught you, you’re trying to distract me by talking about my car! You young people dropping out of school is what is causing the economy issues we’re having!”

(I quietly flip over the book to show her the cover, which lists the state university name, as well as a college-level class name.)

Customer: “What forms did you need me to fill out?”

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