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    The Oil Is Glistening But Someone’s Not Listening

    | Whitehorse, YT, Canada | Crazy Requests, Transportation

    (A man walks up to the service counter on a Thursday morning. He wants to make an appointment so he can bring his car in for an oil change.)

    Me: “The next available appointment for oil changes is Monday at 10:30.”

    Customer: “Do you have anything available this afternoon?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry. We don’t. The next available appointment is Monday at 10:30 in the morning.”

    Customer: “How about tomorrow?”

    Me: “We don’t have any appointments available until Monday next week.”

    Customer: “Do you have openings this Saturday?”

    Not In Good (Insurance) Company

    | Perth, WA, Australia | Extra Stupid, Transportation

    (I work on the front desk at a repair shop. A client calls us back; they called earlier and spoke with someone else.)

    Client: “I need you to tell me who my insurance is.”

    Me: “…Pardon?”

    Client: “I called before and you told me that I needed to find out who insured my car, so tell me who insures my car!”

    Me: “Er, sorry, I wouldn’t know that. You need to know who your insurance is with.”

    Client: “Well, I don’t know who my insurance is! Find out for me!”

    Me: “I can’t do that. There’s more than two dozen insurance companies in the immediate area alone. Do you have any documents about your insurance? An insurance policy? An invoice?”

    Client: “This is bullshit! I pay $1000 a month to be insured, and you don’t even know who it is?”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, but we aren’t your insurance company. We fix cars. We don’t know who your insurance company is.”

    Client: “WHY NOT?!”

    Me: “Because we aren’t your insurance company, we haven’t ensured your car, and you have never dealt with us before. There is no way for us to know where your car is insured.”

    Client: “When I bought this car, I spent a lot of money on getting this protection pack and I was promised [Insurance Company]‘s extended protection and—”

    Me: “Excuse me—”

    Client: “I’m not finished!”

    (Cue a five minute long rant about how he spent so much money on his car, during which he mentions the insurance company’s name no less than four times.)

    Me: “Excuse me, sir. But did you say that you have [Insurance Company]‘s protection?

    Client: “YES!”

    Me: “So, you mean [Insurance Company] is your insurance company?”

    Client: “How should I know?!”

    Me: “Okay, well, if you have [Insurance Company]‘s cover, then that is your insurance company.”

    Client: “God, was that so f***ing hard?!”

    Doesn’t Get The Mechanics Of A Wrong Number

    | UK | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Transportation

    (I’m a school science technician. I’ve never worked with cars. I am definitely not a mechanic. I answer my personal mobile phone.)

    Me: “Hello?”

    Caller: “Hello. I’d like to book a road-worthiness test.”

    Me: “Oh, sorry, you’ve got the wrong number. This happens to me quite frequently. I must have a similar number to a garage.”

    Caller: “Oh. Well, you know, I’ve got a whole fleet of vehicles that need testing.”

    Me: “I’m afraid that doesn’t change the fact I am not a garage. I’m sorry.”

    Caller: “Oh.”

    (Extended silence.)

    Caller: “But I have lots of vehicles that need testing.”

    Me: “I’m still not a mechanic. Sorry. Good luck.”

    (I hung up, hoping he wouldn’t call back. He didn’t, luckily!)

    That Argument Went Straight In And Out

    | Whitehorse, YT, Canada | Crazy Requests, Transportation

    (A customer wants a quote on replacing his radiator. I tell him that the repair time is listed at five hours.)

    Customer: “Almost five hours to take out a rad and put another one in? It should be a simple in and out. All you have to do is remove a few hoses, bolts, and lift out the rad.”

    Me: ‘If the standard labour rate is listed at just under five hours, it’s not just a simple in and out.’

    Customer: “I can’t believe it would take anybody that long. Is there any way to get it done cheaper?”

    Me: ‘Sure. How good are you with tools?’

    Customer: “I’m not going to try do something like that!”

    Me: “Even if it’s just a simple in and out?”

    (Pause…)

    Customer: “How does next week look?”

    Nothing Worth Mentioning

    | Whitehorse, YT, Canada | Money, Transportation

    (A man brings his minivan in to our shop for a suspected power steering leak. He is not sure exactly what’s leaking, but he saw a lot of red fluid underneath his car. After the mechanic finds the leak I call the customer.)

    Me: “We found that one of the hoses was starting to crack at a bend. The dealer is the only one that has this part available in town. The part is $185, the labour for replacing the hose is rated at an hour which is $110, the diagnosis time is $49, taxes etc. will bring the total repair to $368.00.”

    Customer: “I understand the part and the labour costs, but I don’t necessarily see the need for a diagnosis. Couldn’t you have found out what was leaking without diagnosing it? That’s $50 for nothing, really.”

    Me: “Well… we could replace all the power steering parts for about $2500, or we could find out exactly what is leaking and just fix that. What would you prefer?”

    (He opted for the $368.00 repair that included a ‘$50 for nothing, really’ diagnosis.)

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