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    Needs To Inspect Their Own Irony

    | Suwannee, GA, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s Christmas Eve, and we are slammed with everyone coming to get that last final checkup before going on vacation.)

    Me: “Welcome to [Auto Shop]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like to have my car inspected. I’m getting ready to go on a long trip and I don’t have much time. Can you get this done quickly?”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, we have about a one hour wait before we can get you in.”

    Customer: “Wow, I didn’t think it would be this busy being it’s the day before Christmas. You know if people didn’t come in on holidays the big corporations wouldn’t open their doors on them.”

    Me: “So that’s a no to the inspection?”

    Customer: “Oh, no, I totally want to still do it. I’m just saying.”

    Making Universal University Assumptions

    | USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, School

    (I am in college and working full-time as the receptionist for a car repair shop to pay my way. Because I don’t always have customers calling or coming in, the management allows me to bring my homework with me, provided I can put it down immediately when someone phones or comes in. I am 21 and look very young for my age. One older customer walks in and looks down at the book on the desk while I’m pulling her file.)

    Customer: “Does your teacher know you’re skipping class?”

    Me: “Well… this is just my homework. Now, about your car—”

    Customer: “What? High schools don’t have class at night. Is it even legal for you to be here?”

    Me: “Actually, I’m in college. I’m 21; I just look a lot younger than I am.”

    Customer: “Do not lie to me, young lady. You should be ashamed of yourself. Skipping class and lying. Does your manager know this?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but I’m not in high school. And I’m working on my schoolwork here, so I’m obviously not trying to ditch schoolwork. Now, if I can get you to sign these papers here, we’ll get the estimator to come and—”

    Customer: “Nonsense! You’re just trying to get out of responsibility, and now that I’ve caught you, you’re trying to distract me by talking about my car! You young people dropping out of school is what is causing the economy issues we’re having!”

    (I quietly flip over the book to show her the cover, which lists the state university name, as well as a college-level class name.)

    Customer: “What forms did you need me to fill out?”

    The Oil Is Glistening But Someone’s Not Listening

    | Whitehorse, YT, Canada | Crazy Requests, Transportation

    (A man walks up to the service counter on a Thursday morning. He wants to make an appointment so he can bring his car in for an oil change.)

    Me: “The next available appointment for oil changes is Monday at 10:30.”

    Customer: “Do you have anything available this afternoon?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry. We don’t. The next available appointment is Monday at 10:30 in the morning.”

    Customer: “How about tomorrow?”

    Me: “We don’t have any appointments available until Monday next week.”

    Customer: “Do you have openings this Saturday?”

    Not In Good (Insurance) Company

    | Perth, WA, Australia | Extra Stupid, Transportation

    (I work on the front desk at a repair shop. A client calls us back; they called earlier and spoke with someone else.)

    Client: “I need you to tell me who my insurance is.”

    Me: “…Pardon?”

    Client: “I called before and you told me that I needed to find out who insured my car, so tell me who insures my car!”

    Me: “Er, sorry, I wouldn’t know that. You need to know who your insurance is with.”

    Client: “Well, I don’t know who my insurance is! Find out for me!”

    Me: “I can’t do that. There’s more than two dozen insurance companies in the immediate area alone. Do you have any documents about your insurance? An insurance policy? An invoice?”

    Client: “This is bullshit! I pay $1000 a month to be insured, and you don’t even know who it is?”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, but we aren’t your insurance company. We fix cars. We don’t know who your insurance company is.”

    Client: “WHY NOT?!”

    Me: “Because we aren’t your insurance company, we haven’t ensured your car, and you have never dealt with us before. There is no way for us to know where your car is insured.”

    Client: “When I bought this car, I spent a lot of money on getting this protection pack and I was promised [Insurance Company]‘s extended protection and—”

    Me: “Excuse me—”

    Client: “I’m not finished!”

    (Cue a five minute long rant about how he spent so much money on his car, during which he mentions the insurance company’s name no less than four times.)

    Me: “Excuse me, sir. But did you say that you have [Insurance Company]‘s protection?

    Client: “YES!”

    Me: “So, you mean [Insurance Company] is your insurance company?”

    Client: “How should I know?!”

    Me: “Okay, well, if you have [Insurance Company]‘s cover, then that is your insurance company.”

    Client: “God, was that so f***ing hard?!”

    Doesn’t Get The Mechanics Of A Wrong Number

    | UK | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Transportation

    (I’m a school science technician. I’ve never worked with cars. I am definitely not a mechanic. I answer my personal mobile phone.)

    Me: “Hello?”

    Caller: “Hello. I’d like to book a road-worthiness test.”

    Me: “Oh, sorry, you’ve got the wrong number. This happens to me quite frequently. I must have a similar number to a garage.”

    Caller: “Oh. Well, you know, I’ve got a whole fleet of vehicles that need testing.”

    Me: “I’m afraid that doesn’t change the fact I am not a garage. I’m sorry.”

    Caller: “Oh.”

    (Extended silence.)

    Caller: “But I have lots of vehicles that need testing.”

    Me: “I’m still not a mechanic. Sorry. Good luck.”

    (I hung up, hoping he wouldn’t call back. He didn’t, luckily!)

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