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  • Bigotry Comes In All Shapes And Sizes
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    Cost-Benefit Analysis

    , | Dalton, GA, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque

    (A customer comes in to pick up his Viagra prescription. I’m trying not to be awkward and ring him up as if it’s any other order.)

    Me: “Hi, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “My name is [name]. I need to pick up my prescription.”

    Me: “That will be just a moment.”

    (I get the man’s prescription and proceed to ring him up for it.)

    Me: “Your total today comes out to [price].”

    Customer: “What?!”

    Me: *I repeat the price*

    Customer: *mumbles* “Still cheaper than a hooker, I guess.” *pays and leaves*

    I Can’t Hear Myself Think

    | Houston, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Musical Mayhem

    (It’s late at night, right before closing, when the phone rings.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [Auto-Parts Store], can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, I bought a car stereo from you all a few month ago, and I didn’t really like it so I gave it to my son.”

    Me: “OK.”

    Caller: “Well, he didn’t like it either, so he gave it to our neighbors across the street.”

    Me: “OK.”

    Caller: “Well, they put it in their car and right now it’s sitting in their driveway with the doors open and they’re playing their music really loud!”

    Me: “Yes…. well what do you want me to do?”

    Caller: “I need you to come over here and tell them to turn it down!”

    Best Quote An Alternator Price

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Liars & Scammers, Money

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Auto Parts], how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yeah, I need an alternator for my vehicle.”

    (I look up his car and the alternator.)

    Me: “Okay, the one we have in stock is $79.99.”

    Caller: “$49.99?”

    Me: “No, sir, $79.99.”

    Caller: “$49.99?”

    Me: “$79.99.”

    Caller: “Hey, you said $79.99!”

    Me: “Indeed I did, sir!”

    This Can Not End Well

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling ***, how may I help you today?”

    Caller: “I need a part for my car.”

    Me: “Okay, what year, make, and model is your car?”

    Caller: “Umm… it’s a black car.”

    Me: “Okay, who made your car?”

    Caller: “Some dude in a factory.”

    Me: “Is it a Chevy, Ford, Chrysler?”

    Caller: “It’s a Honda… Civic.”

    Me: “Okay, what part do you need?”

    Caller: “I was wondering if you guys sell little microwaves to put in the dash.”

    Me: “No, no sir we do not.”

    Caller: “But I saw this really awesome picture on the internet that had a microwave in the dash of this dude’s car.”

    Me: “Um, I’m pretty sure that he had years of experience in working with that particular car, it’s electronics systems, and microwaves before he actually put that microwave in his car. They do not offer microwaves for cars.”

    Caller: “So… do you think you could put in a microwave for me?”

    In That Case, Replace Them Daily

    , | Redwood City, CA, USA |

    Customer: “Could you check my brakes and see if they are bad?”

    Coworker: “Of course. Which vehicle is yours?”

    Customer: “Oh, I walked here.”

    Coworker: “Ok, well we can’t check your brakes if the car isn’t here.”

    Customer: “I told you I walked here. I just want to know if I need new brakes.”

    Coworker: “I can’t tell you that unless I actually see the vehicle.”

    Customer: “Can’t you just tell me if I need new brakes for my car? It’s a Mercedes if that helps at all.”

    Coworker: “Like I said, I need to see the car to tell you if you need new brakes.”

    Customer: “OK, so can you tell me if my brakes are bad?”

    Me: “We physically need the car here in front of us so we can look at the brakes with our own eyes and determine if they are bad or not.”

    Customer: “It’s a Mercedes.”


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