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    He Keeps Coming Back And Back And Back To The Future

    | PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Movies & TV, Transportation

    Caller: “Yeah, hi, I have a 1995 Olds Cutlass. I was wondering if you could tell me the price and availability on a new flux capacitor?”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, did you say “flux capacitor”?”

    Caller: “Yes, that’s right, for a ’95 Olds Cutlass.”

    (If you don’t already know, the flux capacitor is a made up ‘part’ from the ‘Back to the Future’ movies, the component that “makes time travel possible”)

    Me: *obviously thinking I’m being messed with* “Haha, seriously, what can I do for you?”

    Caller: “I said I need a flux capacitor. My car is running like crap. My buddy is a mechanic and told me I needed a new one.”

    (We get a lot more prank calls in auto parts stores than most people realize. Very rarely do we get something original; it’s always the same thing, and to make matters worse, these people are very dedicated to trying to make us look or feel stupid.)

    Me: *at this point I can tell this guy is determined to break me* “I’m sorry sir, but your friend is obviously mistaken, as the flux capacitor does not exist. It was made up for a movie, so unless your car is an ’85 Delorean, capable of time travel, you do not need a flux capacitor.”

    Caller: “Listen, my buddy has been working on cars his entire life, and if he says that’s what I need, then that’s what I need. I’ve told you twice my car is a ’95 Cutlass.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it sounds like your friend is trying to pull one over on you, as I’ve already explained, the part you are looking for does not exist. You may want to call him and ask what is really wrong with your car, or take it to a reliable mechanic that can properly diagnose your problem.”

    Caller: “Oh, I’m gonna call him, and you’re not gonna be happy when I have HIM call you to get this part!” *click*

    (About 20 minutes later, one of my coworkers answers the phone, I hear him say, “Yeah he’s here; I’ll get him for you,” and hands me the phone.)

    Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yeah, I called you earlier about the ’95 Olds Cutlass. Well, I talked to my buddy again. He said he’s been doing this stuff longer than you’ve been alive and that if you know what’s good for you, you will stop wasting my time and his and look me up a d*** flux capacitor!”

    Me: “You know what? You’re right. After our last conversation, I jumped into my Delorean, went back and got the cataloging department to fix there mistake and put it in the computer. Now when I look it shows that I have on in stock for $299.99!”

    Caller: “Funny how your story has changed after I called my buddy again. But that price is outrageous; I can get it cheaper down the street.” *click*

    (Two hours go by without hearing from him again, until he walks in the store.)

    Customer: “Are you the guy I talked to about the flux capacitor for my ’95 Cutlass?”

    Me: “Yep, that was me.”

    Customer: “Well apparently, you’re the only place in town that has one, so I’ll be needing that now.”

    Me: *blink*

    Customer: “Well, are you gonna get it or not?”

    Me: “You’re obviously very dedicated to this joke, but if you wouldn’t mind I really have a lot to do today and don’t have the time to stand here humoring you on this.”

    Customer: “What the h*** are you talking about? Give me my d*** part and I’ll be on my way; you’re the one wasting MY time!”

    Me: “Sir, as I explained to you over the phone, the flux capacitor was a made up part, for a series of time travel movies. This is the component of the time machine that makes time travel possible. It does not exist in the real world; it is not a part on your car or any other car. One of two things is happening here: either you have nothing better to do with your time other than making my day difficult by insisting on continuing on with this less than original prank, or your buddy is messing with you, wasting your time and mine, and trying to make you look like a fool. If that’s the case, I can’t help you other than suggesting you find a new friend.”

    Customer: *becoming enraged* “I f***ing called you and you told me you had it in stock. Now you’re gonna stand there and tell me that not only do you not have one, but you’re going to try telling me that it doesn’t exist and accuse my friend of lying to me?! I’m calling your company to file a complaint! You haven’t heard the last from me! I’ll be back with my buddy and you’ll be sorry!”

    (10 minutes later…)

    Customer: *walks back in the store* “Listen I talked to him again, and he says if you don’t sell me my flux capacitor, he’s going to come down here and physically make you get it off the shelf. He wasn’t too happy when I told him what you said about him!”

    (At this point I finally realize that he is not messing around; his friend did in fact tell him that he needed a flux capacitor, and he truly believed it.)

    Me: *handing him my cell phone with a Back to the Future Wikipedia page loaded up* “Sir, before we continue this conversation, could I please ask you to read this?”

    Customer: *reads a few minutes, then hands me my phone* “I have to make a phone call…

    (He walks out of the store and pulls out his cell phone. At this point all four of the people I’m working with come out of their hiding places laughing in astonishment of what’s going on unable to believe how well I’m keeping my composure. We watch him outside pacing and yelling into his phone for about five minutes, before he re-enters the store.)

    Customer: “Yeah… can I please have an ignition module for a ’95 Olds Cutlass?”

    Unable To Find The Path

    | Kansas City, MO, USA | Funny Names, Transportation

    Customer: “I need a part for my ‘pad sander.'”

    Me: “I am sorry, sir, but we sell automotive parts, not tools.”

    Customer: “No, I need part for my pad sander. ‘Pad sander!'”

    Me: “Again, sir, we only sell automotive parts. Perhaps you should check with [Other Store]?”

    Customer: “No, no, no. I need part for my ‘pad sander.’ My Nissan ‘Pad Sander.'”

    Me: “Do you mean Nissan Pathfinder?”

    Customer: “Yes! Are you an idiot or deaf?”

    Open Is Open To Interpretation

    | Pasadena, MD, USA | Awesome Workers, Bizarre

    (It’s Easter Sunday, and we are open until six pm. All morning we have had people calling to make sure we are open. It’s mildly annoying, but I understand why they are calling, so I decide to have a bit of fun with it.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Just calling to see if you’re open.”

    Me: “No, sir, I am a pre-recorded message.”

    (I hear the guy laughing until he hangs up. I get another phone call.)

    Me: “No ma’am, but you can leave a message after the beep. Beep.” *customer starts laughing*

    Coworker: “Did you really just answer the phone like that?”

    Me: “Yes, and will continue to do so.”

    Watch And Burn

    | Lynn, MA, USA | Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month

    (Although we are not supposed to lock the doors until exactly 9:00 pm, it had been a long, busy day and the manager and I were both tired, so I locked the doors at 8:58 pm. We closed down the last register and were both in the back office counting the till. At 9:05 pm we hear someone banging incessantly at the door, which is not unusual. Almost every night, we have customers banging on the door after close, hoping we’ll let them in. If it’s an emergency, and going to guarantee a large sale like a new car battery, we’ll let them in and help them. So, I go to the door to investigate.)

    Me: “Sorry! We’re closed! We closed at 9:00 pm.”

    Customer: “You locked the door before 9:00! I was here and I watched you!”

    Me: “If you were here before 9:00, why didn’t you come in?”

    Customer: “I was finishing my cigarette! I want to buy an air freshener!”

    The Argument Has No Legs To Stand On

    , | Indianapolis, IN, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body, Top

    (The marathon was earlier this morning. I am in line behind a customer who ran in it. The cashier is sitting down, while serving patrons.)

    Customer: “I don’t have time for this. My legs are killing me. I ran the marathon this morning, and you can’t even bother standing at a cash register for one day!”

    (The cashier wheels himself out from behind the register. It becomes clear he has no legs.)

    Cashier: “P***y.”

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