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  • A Badly Drawn Request

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Health & Body, Tourists/Travel

    (I work at a theme park as a caricature artist.)

    Customer: “Hey, if I get one of these done can you make me skinny?”

    Me: “Well, it’s a caricature, so you can have an exaggerated bikini body or something if you like?”

    Customer: “Oh, good! Can you make my teeth look better, too?”

    (I can see the customer has a gap in her teeth.)

    Me: “Well, if you’re sensitive about something like that you could always give me a closed mouth smile.”

    Customer: “And could you make me blonde? And maybe a smaller nose?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m not sure you’d want a picture if I altered it that much.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “Because… it wouldn’t look like you!”

    Fine Art Comes With Age

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids

    (I’m a caricaturist working at a party. I’m 19, but because of my petite figure, I’m often mistaken for younger. I’m facing my stand, waiting for a guest.)

    Guest: “Are you doing caricatures?”

    (I turn to face the guest. She is a 10-year-old girl, who suddenly looks horrified and jumps back.)

    Guest: “Woah! HOW OLD ARE YOU?”

    Me: “Um, 19?”

    Guest: “Geez! You look like you’re 14, or something; you scared me!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Guest: “I’m used to people doing these to be like 30, or something. I was expecting an old lady.”

    Me: “Haha, sorry I’m so young?”

    Guest: “YOU SCARED ME! YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE OLD!”

    What’s Black And White And Dumb All Over

    | Canada | Top

    Customer: “I would like to get a portrait of my dog done.”

    Me: “Okay, sure. I would love to do that for you.”

    Customer: “Do you always do your portraits in black and white? Because I would like it in color.”

    Me: “Sorry, no… I just work in pencil.”

    Customer: “So you can’t do color?”

    Me: “No, all my portraits are done in graphite pencil. I don’t paint or anything.”

    Customer: “Aw, well I really wanted it in color, but oh well… I guess.”

    (She then proceeds to hand me a picture of her pure white dog with a black nose.)