I’m selling art by local artists, and one of my larger pieces is an interpretation of Adam and Eve. I grew up in a very strict religious household and was able to escape that particular religion. As a result, my Bible knowledge is quite strong. Also, as the owner of my own market stall, I can be honest with customers who irk me.

Customer: “Why are they Black?” 

Me: “Because the artist chose to interpret them as Black. But to be fair, it’s a pretty fair interpretation considering where most events in the Bible took place.”

Customer: “But that’s blasphemous! Adam and Eve weren’t Black!” 

Me: “What were they, then?”

Customer: “Well…”

Me: “You think they were white?”

Customer: “All the pictures I’ve seen of them they’re white!”

Me: “You mean paintings? As in artist interpretations? Like this one?”

Customer: “But they weren’t African!”

Me: “They weren’t European, either. And it’s the general consensus that all of humanity originated from Africa anyway.” 

Customer: “You mean that evolution bulls***? No. I’m gonna stick with the Holy Bible on this.”

Me: “So, you’re going with the Garden of Eden? Which was located near the Tigris and Euphrates River? So, the Middle East? Yes, lots of white people from there.”

Customer: “I thought you were trying to sell this painting?” 

Me: “Were you ever going to buy it?”

Customer: “Adam and Eve weren’t Black!” *Storms off* 

The painting was eventually sold to a church for their Sunday school! I hope that the next generation of Christians does better.

It is that time when a giant shipping container vessel got stuck in the Suez Canal, causing massive disruption to supply chains. Since our company ships bespoke furniture and art pieces from Asia, we are affected. Despite sending out an email to this effect to all our clients, we still get calls like this.

Client: “Where is my Cobonpue?! I ordered it months ago and it should be here by now!” 

“Cobonpue” is the name of the designer of said table. Rich clients love to call their expensive furniture pieces by the names of their famous designers instead of saying what they actually are, which in this case is a dining table and chair set.

Me: “Well, sir, I’m sure you’re aware of the situation in the Suez Canal right now. As a result, many of our containers are waiting on the backlog of vessels that can’t pass into Europe.” 

Client: “I need you to fix it! I ordered that for a party I am hosting next week, and it was supposed to be a conversation piece!” 

Me: “I’m afraid there’s nothing I can do, as the logistic nature of the situation is beyond my control. As soon as the situation clears, we will give you an updated delivery date.”

Client: “Well, make it go faster!” 

Me: “Sir, would you like me to fly to the Suez Canal, get behind the stuck 200,000-ton container vessel, and push?”

Client: “With the amount I paid for my table, you should!” *Click* 

The vessel was “dislodged” the next day.

For Christmas one year, we all go to my brother’s place in Chicago. Along with the holiday, we’re doing various tourist/wandering things and end up deciding to go to [Art Museum]. For various reasons, my dad drops my mom, my little brother, and me off at the doors while he and my other brother go try to find parking. The three of us get in line to get tickets, and we’re doing the math in our heads on admission.

We get up to the ticket booth and start asking a couple of clarifying questions.

Mom: “There are five of us total, but there’s one Chicago resident. I don’t know if he needs to be present. He’s helping park the car, so should we just wait for them to get here before buying tickets?”

Cashier: “You don’t have to wait for him. Do you have his zip code? I can verify if that qualifies.”

Me: “Yeah, I have it.”

I pull up his address and give the zip.

Cashier: “Perfect, and is anyone a senior?”

Mom: “Um…”

She takes a quick glance at the nearby board to check the age cutoff.

Mom: “Not yet.”

Cashier: “Okay. What about military?”

Mom: “Well, my husband is former military and my son is active.”

My little brother is a Marine reservist. He pulls out his ID and hands it to the cashier.

Cashier: “Thank you. You know what? Here’s what I’m going to do…”

He starts pushing some buttons and the total goes from around $120 to $0 and tickets start printing.

Cashier: “Here you go.”

Mom: “Um… thank you!”

Cashier: “No problem. My dad is a Marine, and he’d kill me if he knew I’d charged another Marine. Semper fi, Marine.”

Brother: “Thank you.”

Cashier: “Thank you for your service. Have a good day, folks.”

We took our tickets and stepped to the side while we waited for my dad and my other brother. My mom was crying a little. While covering admission wouldn’t have bankrupted my parents or anything, it’s still a decent chunk of change to drop on something like that.

I double-checked later, and while active duty military does get free admission, it only applies to the full party or family members during specific times of the year, and the day after Christmas was not one of those times. So, thank you to that cashier who didn’t have to do that!

I work in an art gallery. Just before closing time, a woman who had exited the gallery came back in again wanting to use the bathroom.

Customer: “You saw me come in already. Can I just use the bathroom?”

Me: “The closest one is occupied. By the time that guest gets out, we will be completing our closing procedures and asking people to leave.”

The visitor exit is time-locked. Anyone left in the gallery after that has to wait to be let out by an employee.

Customer: “You are a horrible human being. Absolutely horrible service. Disgusting how you treat people.”

Me: “You can use the public bathrooms at [Location].”

This is about three minutes’ walk away — in the direction she was heading!

She continues her tantrum and attracts the attention of security, who soon relents and lets her head up to an upstairs bathroom. After she’s finished, she tries to get out by the entrance-only door, which is locked about ten minutes prior to closing. The only exit is by me.

Customer: *Walking by me bitterly* “Thank you.”

 She then proceeded to dump her used paper hand towels — at least, I hope they were hand towels — onto the host table. Just goes to show that even when you give them what they want, they’re still miserable.

I used to work at a pottery place where everything was hand-painted. Sometimes, some of the small details would be slightly different. I had a customer order five dessert plates in a certain pattern, but two different people had painted the plates so there was a small difference in the size of the flowers. She came in to pick them up.

Customer: *Angry* “It’s ridiculous that these aren’t exactly the same! I waited so long to get these! I desperately need them for Thanksgiving tomorrow!”

She really hadn’t waited that long.

Me: “I can offer you three of the plates for free, and you’ll need to pay for the other two. I can also give you our Black Friday sale price, so those two will be 50% off.”

Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say because it just made her even angrier.

Customer: “You can’t do that! How will you track the inventory?”

Me: “I’m the store manager. I have a few ways I can adjust the inventory.”

Customer: “You liar! You’re too young to be a manager!”

She ended up leaving after that without getting her plates.