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    Half-Life Is Stranger Than Fiction

    | OR, USA | Bizarre, Geeks Rule

    (The fun center where I work is having a big countdown celebration on New Year’s Eve, and I’m working the arcade. We serve alcohol to adult patrons. As we get closer to midnight, a man and a woman approach the counter. I game in my spare time, and the man in the pair looks exactly like Gordon Freeman from Half-Life.)

    Me: “How are you folks today?”

    Man: *inebriated* “Oh, look, a Speederman tattoo. Can I get that?” *he should have said Spiderman*

    Woman: “Sure.”

    (She gives me her tickets, and I give him the tattoo. He is ecstatic about it.)

    Man: “Speederman! This is so awesome! I’m gonna put it on!” *starts stripping*

    Me: “Sir!”

    Woman: “What are you doing?”

    Man: “Speederman!”

    (She manages to convince him to put his shirt back on, and I had to turn away so they wouldn’t see me laughing. To this day, I refer to that as the New Year’s Eve when I saw Gordon Freeman stripping for Spiderman.)

    Something Is Off About The Situation

    | NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Customer: “Can you help me with this game? It’s not working!”

    Me: “Sure no problem. Glad to help!”

    Customer: “I put my money in and am pushing start, and it’s not working.”

    Me: “It’s not working because it’s off. The game is off, ma’am.”

    Customer: “What do you mean off?”

    Me: “It’s off, as in the opposite of on. That’s why the screen is all black.”

    Customer: “Oh. I thought it was some black screen game.”

    A Sign Of The Times

    | Manitou Springs, CO, USA | Family & Kids, Wild & Unruly

    (Note: I am working the ticket counter giving out prizes. A guy and his teenage daughter are examining a glass display case with stuff inside. Suddenly, the daughter backs up a foot and launches herself directly into the case, almost knocking it over.)

    Me: “Please do NOT push on the glass!”

    Father: *angrily* “Well, there should be a sign or something! How was she supposed to know that would happen?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but people don’t generally throw themselves in to our GLASS cases.”

    Father: “Well, there should be a sign! Geeze!” *storms out*

    Less Is More, More Or Less

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Food & Drink, Money, Top

    Me: “Hi! What can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Well, I have two coupons here. One is a large pizza, four sodas, and 70 tokens for $29.99. The other is for a large pizza, four sodas, wings, and 110 tokens for $29.99. Which one is better?”

    Me: “Well, I’d personally go with the second one. It’s the same price, plus you get an extra order of wings and 40 more tokens.”

    Customer: “You’re just trying to get more money off of me, so you picked the worse deal. I’ll take the first coupon, idiot!”

    SASS: Subtle Artificial Sassy Server

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I’m working the cash register at an arcade. This arcade is known for having an animatronic band that performs.)

    Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Medium pizza, pepperoni on half…” *mumbles and trails off*

    Me: “Can you please repeat that last part?”

    Customer: *mumbles*

    Me: “I’m sorry, a medium pizza with pepperoni on half and what else?”

    Customer, to his son: “Now look at how cheap this technology is. It can’t even tell what I’m saying! D*** robots.”

    Me: “Um…sir? Is there a problem?”

    Guest, to his son: “Look! It can tell I’m a man. Maybe this hunk of metal isn’t that bad. It does look pretty real. I just wonder why they didn’t make it thinner and cuter.”

    Me: “Oh, thanks. Maybe it’s ’cause I’m not a robot?”

    Customer: “Sure you’re not.”

    (He later gets into an argument with a manager and accuses him of being a robot. He then tries to “ruin the scrap metal” by throwing a glass of water at him.)

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