Half-Life Is Stranger Than Fiction

| OR, USA | Bizarre, Geeks Rule

(The fun center where I work is having a big countdown celebration on New Year’s Eve, and I’m working the arcade. We serve alcohol to adult patrons. As we get closer to midnight, a man and a woman approach the counter. I game in my spare time, and the man in the pair looks exactly like Gordon Freeman from Half-Life.)

Me: “How are you folks today?”

Man: *inebriated* “Oh, look, a Speederman tattoo. Can I get that?” *he should have said Spiderman*

Woman: “Sure.”

(She gives me her tickets, and I give him the tattoo. He is ecstatic about it.)

Man: “Speederman! This is so awesome! I’m gonna put it on!” *starts stripping*

Me: “Sir!”

Woman: “What are you doing?”

Man: “Speederman!”

(She manages to convince him to put his shirt back on, and I had to turn away so they wouldn’t see me laughing. To this day, I refer to that as the New Year’s Eve when I saw Gordon Freeman stripping for Spiderman.)

Something Is Off About The Situation

| NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

Customer: “Can you help me with this game? It’s not working!”

Me: “Sure no problem. Glad to help!”

Customer: “I put my money in and am pushing start, and it’s not working.”

Me: “It’s not working because it’s off. The game is off, ma’am.”

Customer: “What do you mean off?”

Me: “It’s off, as in the opposite of on. That’s why the screen is all black.”

Customer: “Oh. I thought it was some black screen game.”

A Sign Of The Times

| Manitou Springs, CO, USA | Family & Kids, Wild & Unruly

(Note: I am working the ticket counter giving out prizes. A guy and his teenage daughter are examining a glass display case with stuff inside. Suddenly, the daughter backs up a foot and launches herself directly into the case, almost knocking it over.)

Me: “Please do NOT push on the glass!”

Father: *angrily* “Well, there should be a sign or something! How was she supposed to know that would happen?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but people don’t generally throw themselves in to our GLASS cases.”

Father: “Well, there should be a sign! Geeze!” *storms out*

Less Is More, More Or Less

| Pennsylvania, USA | Food & Drink, Money, Top

Me: “Hi! What can I get for you?”

Customer: “Well, I have two coupons here. One is a large pizza, four sodas, and 70 tokens for $29.99. The other is for a large pizza, four sodas, wings, and 110 tokens for $29.99. Which one is better?”

Me: “Well, I’d personally go with the second one. It’s the same price, plus you get an extra order of wings and 40 more tokens.”

Customer: “You’re just trying to get more money off of me, so you picked the worse deal. I’ll take the first coupon, idiot!”

SASS: Subtle Artificial Sassy Server

| Pennsylvania, USA | Extra Stupid

(I’m working the cash register at an arcade. This arcade is known for having an animatronic band that performs.)

Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

Customer: “Medium pizza, pepperoni on half…” *mumbles and trails off*

Me: “Can you please repeat that last part?”

Customer: *mumbles*

Me: “I’m sorry, a medium pizza with pepperoni on half and what else?”

Customer, to his son: “Now look at how cheap this technology is. It can’t even tell what I’m saying! D*** robots.”

Me: “Um…sir? Is there a problem?”

Guest, to his son: “Look! It can tell I’m a man. Maybe this hunk of metal isn’t that bad. It does look pretty real. I just wonder why they didn’t make it thinner and cuter.”

Me: “Oh, thanks. Maybe it’s ’cause I’m not a robot?”

Customer: “Sure you’re not.”

(He later gets into an argument with a manager and accuses him of being a robot. He then tries to “ruin the scrap metal” by throwing a glass of water at him.)

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