Me: “Hi! What can I get for you?”

Customer: “Well, I have two coupons here. One is a large pizza, four sodas, and 70 tokens for $29.99. The other is for a large pizza, four sodas, wings, and 110 tokens for $29.99. Which one is better?”

Me: “Well, I’d personally go with the second one. It’s the same price, plus you get an extra order of wings and 40 more tokens.”

Customer: “You’re just trying to get more money off of me, so you picked the worse deal. I’ll take the first coupon, idiot!”

(I’m working the cash register at an arcade. This arcade is known for having an animatronic band that performs.)

Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

Customer: “Medium pizza, pepperoni on half…” *mumbles and trails off*

Me: “Can you please repeat that last part?”

Customer: *mumbles*

Me: “I’m sorry, a medium pizza with pepperoni on half and what else?”

Customer, to his son: “Now look at how cheap this technology is. It can’t even tell what I’m saying! D*** robots.”

Me: “Um…sir? Is there a problem?”

Guest, to his son: “Look! It can tell I’m a man. Maybe this hunk of metal isn’t that bad. It does look pretty real. I just wonder why they didn’t make it thinner and cuter.”

Me: “Oh, thanks. Maybe it’s ’cause I’m not a robot?”

Customer: “Sure you’re not.”

(He later gets into an argument with a manager and accuses him of being a robot. He then tries to “ruin the scrap metal” by throwing a glass of water at him.)

Customer: “The stop button on your roulette wheel isn’t working.”

Me: “Let me see.”

(I put a token into the machine. I allow the customer to play to show me what’s wrong.)

Customer: “See, now when I hit the stop button, it keeps going.”

Me: “The stop button only starts it slowing down to stop.”

Customer: “No, I mean the ball.”

Me: “Sir, the button does not control the ball.”

Customer: “What does?”

Me: “Physics?”

(A customer asked me to help with the Skee-Ball machine.)

Me: “Is the machine broken or malfunctioning?”

Customer: “Do you know where the skis are?”

Me: “…excuse me?”

Customer: “Ski ball. Where are the skis for me to play with?”

Me: “Skis?”

Customer: “As in cross-country skis?”

Me: “this isn’t that kind of Skee-Ball. You pick up the ball and roll it up there.”

Customer: “Then why is there a slope with a ramp on it at the end?”

Me: “For you to roll the ball up?”

Customer: “IT’S A SKI SLOPE! Although it’s kind of…backwards.” *examines the machine*

(…so it was my job to exchange prizes for tickets. A customer comes up to me and I count their tickets.)

Me: “You have 24 tickets.”

(Customer looks around at prizes.)

Customer: “How much is that remote control car?”

Me: “That’s 600 tickets. You should probably look at the smaller prizes you can afford, like the rings and rubber snakes. They are only two tickets each.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll take that lava lamp.”

Me: “I’m sorry, the lava lamp is 14,000 tickets and you have 24 so I highly suggest looking at cheaper prizes like these rubber snakes.”

(Customer finally decides he needs to go get more tickets and returns to playing games. Another customer approaches and I count their tickets.)

Me: “You have 650 tickets.”

Another Customer: “Okay, I’d like 80 of the snakes but only red and green ones.”

Me: “Wouldn’t you prefer a remote control car or this water gun?”

Another Customer: “No, I want snakes!”