(I work in a rather well known nickel arcade in Portland. Most of our games give out tickets which guests can redeem for prizes. We count these tickets by weight using a scale. A customer approaches my co-worker at our counter with her family; three young children.)

Coworker: “Hi there! All set to count your tickets?”

(Her children nod; all are very polite and well behaved.)

Customer: “You know, I don’t like that you count tickets by weight like that: I don’t trust that scale.”

Me: “We get that a lot ma’am; the scale is very accurate, and we round up just in case.”

Customer: “Yeah, but you always crumple the tickets up more when there’s more of them. That makes them weigh more.”

Coworker: “I’m not sure I understand.”

Customer: “The tickets weigh more when they’re all smooshed together than when they’re all loose!”

Coworker: “Ma’am, weight doesn’t work like that.”

Customer: “Yes it does! It’s like when you take a cotton ball and dip it in water, and then it weighs more!”

Me: “Ma’am, it weighs more because the cotton ball absorbs the water.”

Coworker: “If you took a brick and weighed it, and then smashed it to pieces and weighed all the pieces, it would weigh the same.”

Customer: “That doesn’t make— oh, whatever!” *to her children* “Just pick some d*** prizes!”

(I work in the arcade at luxurious resort. Resort guests can use their room key to get a game card to play the arcade games.)

Customer: “Hi, can I get three cards with $50 on each for my family? And here’s my room key; charge it to the room!”

Me: “Sure, I’ll get that for you right away!”

(I give them the cards and the family walks away excited, when five minutes later…)

Customer: “What the h*** is this!? This d*** card isn’t working; I didn’t pay all this money for a card that doesn’t work!”

(She rants for a few more minutes and then throws the card at my face. I pick it up to show it to her.)

Me: “Ma’am, this is your driver’s license, not the game card.”

Customer: *turns really red, takes the card, and walks away sheepishly*

(The fun center where I work is having a big countdown celebration on New Year’s Eve, and I’m working the arcade. We serve alcohol to adult patrons. As we get closer to midnight, a man and a woman approach the counter. I game in my spare time, and the man in the pair looks exactly like Gordon Freeman from Half-Life.)

Me: “How are you folks today?”

Man: *inebriated* “Oh, look, a Speederman tattoo. Can I get that?” *he should have said Spiderman*

Woman: “Sure.”

(She gives me her tickets, and I give him the tattoo. He is ecstatic about it.)

Man: “Speederman! This is so awesome! I’m gonna put it on!” *starts stripping*

Me: “Sir!”

Woman: “What are you doing?”

Man: “Speederman!”

(She manages to convince him to put his shirt back on, and I had to turn away so they wouldn’t see me laughing. To this day, I refer to that as the New Year’s Eve when I saw Gordon Freeman stripping for Spiderman.)

Customer: “Can you help me with this game? It’s not working!”

Me: “Sure no problem. Glad to help!”

Customer: “I put my money in and am pushing start, and it’s not working.”

Me: “It’s not working because it’s off. The game is off, ma’am.”

Customer: “What do you mean off?”

Me: “It’s off, as in the opposite of on. That’s why the screen is all black.”

Customer: “Oh. I thought it was some black screen game.”

(Note: I am working the ticket counter giving out prizes. A guy and his teenage daughter are examining a glass display case with stuff inside. Suddenly, the daughter backs up a foot and launches herself directly into the case, almost knocking it over.)

Me: “Please do NOT push on the glass!”

Father: *angrily* “Well, there should be a sign or something! How was she supposed to know that would happen?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but people don’t generally throw themselves in to our GLASS cases.”

Father: “Well, there should be a sign! Geeze!” *storms out*