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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Feeling The Pinch

    | Fort Fisher, NC, USA |

    (I volunteer at an aquarium and often work our touch tank.)

    Visitor: “Oh look! Stingrays!”

    Me: “Actually, ma’am, those are horse shoe crabs.”

    Visitor: “How can you tell?”

    Me: *flipping the crab over* “It has claws and feet. Stingrays don’t have feet. Would you like to touch it?”

    Visitor: “No! It will sting me!”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I assure it is safe.”

    Visitor: “I don’t think so! You must just be immune!”

    Visitors 12 Year Old Son: “Mom! It’s in the touch tank!”

    Sea Lions Totally Rock

    | Newport, OR, USA |

    (I am giving a tour to a group of people about sea lions. I am pointing out the sea lions through the glass cage and introducing them to the group.)

    Woman: “What’s that sea lion over there doing? He seems very still.”

    Child: “Mom, that’s a rock.”

    With Customers Like These, Who Needs Anemones

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Pets & Animals

    Guest: “Excuse me, ma’am?”

    Me: “Hi there! Do you have a question?”

    Guest: “Yes. What is this?” *points to a specimen*

    Me: “That is called a sea anemone.”

    Guest: “Oh…” *walks away, only to walk back a few moments later* “What are they the enemies of?”

    In Desperate Need Of A Cellphone

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I bought tickets online, but my printer doesn’t work.”

    Me: “Okay. Well, if you want, you can print it out here.”

    Customer: “Well, I actually brought my laptop.”

    (He shows me his laptop with the tickets on the screen.)

    Customer: “Can I get in with this?”

    Me: “Yeah, here are your wristbands.”

    Customer: “Okay thanks. Do I have to show my laptop at the gate or can I put it away?”

    Got An Urgin’ For Some Urchin

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Top

    (At the aquarium where I volunteer, a guest sticks her whole hand in our touch tank, rips off a sea urchin and proceeds to stuff it in her bag.)

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, but you can’t do that.”

    Guest: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “You can’t rip the urchin off the tank’s wall. Could you please hand me it?”

    Guest: “But I was going to take it home and eat it. Isn’t that okay?”


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