Losing The Niceties Of Self-Importance

| USA | Bizarre

(My job is to sit at the front desk, a kind of helpful concierge, transferring calls, accepting packages. I am there to let people know that the company cares about their problems, and that there’s a human manning the lobby for security.)

Me: “Hello, welcome back.”

Young Man: *flings up his arm* “Don’t talk to me! I’m important!”

Me: “Not a problem, sir. I won’t do that again.”

An Emerging Emergency

| Oceanside, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

(A tenant was upset that she had called the maintenance emergency number at midnight on a Saturday night, and they did not respond immediately. She came into my office the following Monday morning to explain her ’emergency.’)

Tenant: “I had a leak from my bathtub faucet. I put a bucket in the bathtub to catch the leak. It got worse and the bucket overflowed. Don’t you consider that an emergency?”

Me: “Did the overflow go down the bathtub drain?”

Tenant: “Yes.”

Me: “Did any water leak outside of the bathtub?”

Tenant: “No.”

Me: “No, we do not consider a leak contained in the bathtub as an emergency.”

The Purple Flower Eater

| USA | Bigotry, Extra Stupid, Home Improvement, Pets & Animals

Manager: *answering phone* “[Complex Manager]’s office. This is [Manager].”

Resident: “Someone dug up my flowers! The purple ones! It’s because purple is the gay color. They think I’m gay, and they hate me, so they dug up my flowers!”

Manager: “Slow down, [Resident]. Who dug up your flowers?”

Resident: “People who hate me because they think I’m gay!”

Manager: “O… kay. When did you plant these flowers?”

Resident: “Yesterday. I had that row of white flowers, and I planted the purple ones in between. It went white, purple, white, purple. But they only dug up the purple ones!”

Manager: “Did you do anything special when you planted the purple ones?”

Resident: “Well, yes. I put some fish pieces in the soil because I heard that it was supposed to help the plants grow.”

Manager: “… [Resident], I think that raccoons dug up your flowers to get at the fish.”

Resident: “What? No, that can’t be. Raccoons are very respectful of nature. They wouldn’t do that.”

Mail Order Disorder

| NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Theme Of The Month, Top

(I live in an apartment complex that mainly serves as a home for elderly and handicapped residents. One afternoon, I am expecting a check to come in the mail, and I need to cash it before the bank down the street closes at 4 pm. The mail lady doesn’t arrive until 3:45. There is a crowd of people waiting for their mail, and we are all watching her load the 50-or-so mailboxes in anticipation. As soon as she put my mail into my mailbox, I approached it to grab the check, since it was almost 3:50.)

Mail Lady: “I’m so sorry, but for policy reasons at this complex, you’re going to have to wait until I finish with all of the mail. I’m not allowed to let people grab their mail until it’s all in.”

Me: “Oh. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I had to wait for everyone’s mail to be put into their individual mailboxes. I just really need to get my check, but I’ll wait.”

Mail Lady: *very friendly and understanding* “No worries. It’s all right. Most people at this complex make that mistake at least once, and try to get their mail before I’m finished. I’ll try to finish up as quick as I can so you can get your check.”

Me: “Okay. Thanks!”

(I walked back to the group of waiting people. Suddenly, one of the old ladies behind me tapped me hard on the shoulder. Very hard. I turned around to look at her.)

Old Lady: *angry tone* “Hey! She said you can’t have your mail yet!”

Me: “Oh, I understand. I didn’t realize I had to wait until it was all in. That’s why I came back to the group here to wait.”

Old Lady: *becoming even more angry* “Don’t you talk back to me! You need to wait your turn!”

Me: “But… I AM waiting. I’m standing right here with everyone else, waiting.”

Old Lady: *almost screaming at me* “A brat is what you are! You NEED to WAIT YOUR TURN!”

Me: “Oh, for the love of god, I AM WAITING! I just made a small mistake. But I’m waiting now. Leave me alone.”

(At this point, I turned and looked away from her, figuring I’d ignore her.)

Old Lady: *almost going into a panic* “You shouldn’t get your mail because you won’t wait your turn! JUST WAIT WITH THE REST OF US!”

(She continues ranting about how I ‘don’t deserve’ my mail, how ‘rude’ and ‘thoughtless’ I am, etc. Finally, the mail-lady turned and looked at her.)

Mail Lady: “Ma’am. Shut your d*** mouth and leave the poor guy alone! He didn’t do anything wrong, and he’s already CLEARLY waiting! If you don’t stop, I won’t give you your mail! You’re just a rude old bat, aren’t you?!”

(The lady finally took the hint and left me alone. Thanks for dealing with her for me, mail lady!)

Lost & Found Gets Tossed Around

| NY, USA | Bizarre, Uncategorized

(I am the office manager at a nice apartment building. It is a secure building that requires anyone entering to use a key code. We’re located in a safe town, and have never had a single incident of theft or other criminal activity. A resident approaches my desk.)

Resident: “Have you seen my sweater? I think I left in down here a couple hours ago!”

Me: “No one turned one in to me. Have you checked the Lost & Found box around the corner?”

Resident: “Lost & Found box? You mean you leave lost items just out in the open like that?!”

Me: “Yes, we put the ‘found’ items in a single location so people are not running all around looking for them.”

Resident: “That is atrocious! Anyone could walk in off the street and steal from the box!”

Me: “This building is locked, ma’am. The only people who have access to this area have a key code, like yourself.”

Resident: “But someone like me could steal them! I could go to that box and steal everything in there if I wanted to!”

(To illustrate her point, the resident runs around the corner, grabs the Lost & Found box, and drags it over to my desk.)

Resident: *flings items out of the box* “I’m going to steal this, and this, and all of these! THEY’RE ALL GOING TO BE MINE!”

Me: “Uh, ma’am? I’m going to have to ask you not to take items that don’t belong to you.”

Resident: “YOU DON’T KNOW THEY’RE NOT MINE!”

(Suddenly, she spots the sweater she was looking for to begin with, and totally calms down.)

Resident: “Oh. My sweater! Oh my God! Thank you so much for helping me find it!”

(She grabs her sweater and happily skips off, leaving the box and all its items sprawled out over the floor.)

Me: *dumbfounded* “…you’re welcome?”

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