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    Heartlessness Is In the Heart Of The Beholder

    | Omaha, NE, USA | Pets & Animals

    (A customer walks in with two young dogs.)

    Me: “Hello. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, these two dogs belonged to my mother, who recently passed away. Her dying wish was to have them buried with her.”

    Me: “I don’t understand.”

    Customer: “I would like them euthanized, so I can have them cremated and put into her casket with her.”

    Me: “How old are they? Do they have any health issues?”

    Customer: “They are two years old. They are healthy, but you need to put them down, now! I need them to be buried with my mother, so they can join her in heaven!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we will not euthanize two perfectly healthy dogs.”

    Customer: *while walking out* “Fine! You people are heartless!”

    A Victim Of Fur-Ball Abuse

    | Ft Worth, TX, USA | Pets & Animals, Top

    (I had helped a customer adopt an adorable short-haired tabby. A few days later, she comes back.)

    Customer: “I’d like to exchange this cat. I’m allergic.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. We can give you a voucher and you’re more than welcome to look at the puppies we have up for adoption.”

    Customer: “No, no. I’d like another cat. A long-hair.”

    Me: “You’re allergic though. We can’t adopt more cats to you if you’re just going to bring them back.”

    Customer: “You misunderstood. I’m allergic to this one because it’s not–”

    (At this point she waves her hand in front of her face.)

    Me: “Fancy.”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “It’s just such a boring looking cat. I’d prefer something a little more fancy.”

    (She waves her hand in front of her face again. At this point I’m trying really hard not to laugh.)

    Customer: “Do you have any exotic *hand wave* cats? Anything *hand wave* fancy? Perhaps a Persian? I wouldn’t be allergic to that. Or maybe a Siamese? I’m not allergic to *hand wave* fancy cats.”

    (We ended up taking the kitten back and giving her a refund, but she is eternally barred from adopting cats from us.)

    Cat-Nipped In The Bud

    | VA, USA | Top

    (I am talking to a first time cat owner about the cat she is interested in. Another woman walks in.)

    Customer #1: “Now, do I have to clean them like I would a dog?”

    Me: “No, generally cats will bathe themselves.”

    Customer #2: “Actually, you will want to bathe them. We bath our cat once a week.”

    Me: “Well, we normally recommend you don’t bathe a cat because most cats really hate water.”

    Customer #2: “We bathe our cat all the time and it keeps her clean.”

    Me: “I’m sure that works for you, but with a new cat you don’t know. I really suggest that this woman does not bathe the cat.”

    Customer #2: “No! You should bathe the cat to keep it clean!”

    (After several minutes of her insisting this, I eventually agree and she leaves. After checking that she is out of sight, I turn back to the first customer.)

    Me: “Don’t bathe the cat.”

    Customer #1: “I won’t.”

    Not Quite The Cat’s Meow

    | Ontario, Canada | Pets & Animals

    (A visitor enters with a large cat carrier.)

    Visitor: “Hi, I found a stray cat. They told me to bring it here.”

    Me: “Ok, just stay in this room. I’ll get some assistance.”

    Visitor: “It’s really nasty, it keeps hissing. I think it wants out. Do you mind if I let it out?”

    Me: “Please don’t, miss. We need to evaluate it first.”

    Visitor: “No, I really think he needs to be let out. Don’t worry!”

    Me: *noticing the loud hissing and snarling* “I seriously advise against opening the carrier!”

    Visitor: “Why?”

    Me: “Because that is not a cat.”

    (The visitor ignores me and opens the carrier. A huge, angry raccoon dashes out, hissing and growling.)

    A Fence Built On Magic Beans

    | Arizona, USA | Top

    (While reviewing an adoption application for a very agile Border Collie, I come to the point where it talks about the adopter’s housing situation and fence.)

    Me: “I’m unfamiliar with a Cyclone Fence. Can you please tell me what that is made of?”

    Adopter: “It’s linked like a chain-linked fence.”

    Me: “Oh, okay! So you have a 5′ chain link fence then? And the dog will be left either in the home or yard with a doggie door while you are gone, right?”

    Adopter: “Yeah.”

    Me: “That sounds wonderful. I would just like to mention that you may want to keep the dog either in a crate or in a room of the house for the first week or so. Too many times we hear stories where people have their new dog outside unattended and the dog jumps the fence and runs away.”

    Adopter: “She can’t jump a 6′ fence.”

    Me: “So your fence is 6′, not 5′ like you put on the application?”

    Adopter: “No dog can jump my 10′ fence.”

    Me: “Sir, you fence was 6′ a moment ago.”

    Adopter: “Well, I don’t know. It’s taller than me! It’s like 14′ high!”

    Me: “Really, it doesn’t matter how tall your fence is. I am just saying that if you take the dog home and leave her unattended, she could get worried and climb your fence and get out. No one here wants her to get lost.”

    Adopter: “My fence is 16′ tall! No one can get over it!”

    Me: “Okay, sir.”

    Adopter: “I am going to sue you!”


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