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    This Problem Can’t Get Licked

    | Chattanooga, TN, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (We are doing an adoption event at a retailer in conjunction with four other animal rescue/shelter groups. Each group is in a large tent with dogs that are up for adoption in crates. A lady approaches, she has two kids; a boy about 6 and a girl about 9.)

    Woman: “Oh, she is so cute!” *motioning towards a two-year-old Shepherd mix*

    Me: “Yes, she is a great dog, and she is great with kids. Would you like me to take her out so you can see how she acts around your children?”

    Woman: “Yes, that would be great!”

    (I take the dog out of her crate, and have her on a leash. The kids are both petting her and the dog is behaving very well.)

    Woman: “Oh… that dog doesn’t lick, does she?”

    Me: “Of course she does. All dogs lick.”

    Woman: “Oh, you will have to put her back, then. My daughter is allergic to dog saliva. We need a dog that doesn’t lick.”

    Me: “Ma’am, all dogs lick. They use their tongue to eat, drink water, clean themselves, and show affection. Maybe a dog is not what you should be looking for.”

    Woman: “Oh, that’s bull. I know you have some dogs here that don’t lick. If you don’t, then one of these other groups will.”

    Me: “You are welcome to ask around.”

    (The woman spent the next 30 minutes going to each tent trying to find a dog that doesn’t use it’s tongue. She ended up going inside and adopting a cat.)

    Keep Your Paws Off Our Pups

    | Scotland, UK | Awesome Customers, Pets & Animals

    (I’m a volunteer at an animal shelter. People can pay a small donation to come and see our animals. One day I’m returning a dog to its kennel when a customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! I want to see your manager!”

    Me: “Um, I’m just volunteer here, sir. If you speak to somebody in reception—”

    Customer: “Rubbish! You’re just making excuses! I paid my donation to see your dogs and I can only get into one block. The other three are closed! I know you have more dogs!”

    Me: “We close three blocks for the dogs’ welfare, sir. If you’re interested in—”

    Customer: “I don’t give a f*** about the dogs’ welfare! I want to see more dogs! You have no customer service at all, do you?!”

    (On hearing this, another customer approaches and gives the very rude customer a £5 note.)

    Another Customer: “Here’s £5; consider it a refund. Because I can tell you, sir, they would absolutely NOT allow you anywhere near their animals with that attitude!”

    Heartlessness Is In the Heart Of The Beholder

    | Omaha, NE, USA | Pets & Animals

    (A customer walks in with two young dogs.)

    Me: “Hello. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, these two dogs belonged to my mother, who recently passed away. Her dying wish was to have them buried with her.”

    Me: “I don’t understand.”

    Customer: “I would like them euthanized, so I can have them cremated and put into her casket with her.”

    Me: “How old are they? Do they have any health issues?”

    Customer: “They are two years old. They are healthy, but you need to put them down, now! I need them to be buried with my mother, so they can join her in heaven!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we will not euthanize two perfectly healthy dogs.”

    Customer: *while walking out* “Fine! You people are heartless!”

    A Victim Of Fur-Ball Abuse

    | Ft Worth, TX, USA | Pets & Animals, Top

    (I had helped a customer adopt an adorable short-haired tabby. A few days later, she comes back.)

    Customer: “I’d like to exchange this cat. I’m allergic.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. We can give you a voucher and you’re more than welcome to look at the puppies we have up for adoption.”

    Customer: “No, no. I’d like another cat. A long-hair.”

    Me: “You’re allergic though. We can’t adopt more cats to you if you’re just going to bring them back.”

    Customer: “You misunderstood. I’m allergic to this one because it’s not–”

    (At this point she waves her hand in front of her face.)

    Me: “Fancy.”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “It’s just such a boring looking cat. I’d prefer something a little more fancy.”

    (She waves her hand in front of her face again. At this point I’m trying really hard not to laugh.)

    Customer: “Do you have any exotic *hand wave* cats? Anything *hand wave* fancy? Perhaps a Persian? I wouldn’t be allergic to that. Or maybe a Siamese? I’m not allergic to *hand wave* fancy cats.”

    (We ended up taking the kitten back and giving her a refund, but she is eternally barred from adopting cats from us.)

    Cat-Nipped In The Bud

    | VA, USA | Top

    (I am talking to a first time cat owner about the cat she is interested in. Another woman walks in.)

    Customer #1: “Now, do I have to clean them like I would a dog?”

    Me: “No, generally cats will bathe themselves.”

    Customer #2: “Actually, you will want to bathe them. We bath our cat once a week.”

    Me: “Well, we normally recommend you don’t bathe a cat because most cats really hate water.”

    Customer #2: “We bathe our cat all the time and it keeps her clean.”

    Me: “I’m sure that works for you, but with a new cat you don’t know. I really suggest that this woman does not bathe the cat.”

    Customer #2: “No! You should bathe the cat to keep it clean!”

    (After several minutes of her insisting this, I eventually agree and she leaves. After checking that she is out of sight, I turn back to the first customer.)

    Me: “Don’t bathe the cat.”

    Customer #1: “I won’t.”


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