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    Got A Bad Feline About This One

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (I do volunteer work at an animal shelter. A lady calls and inquires about a particular cat that she saw on our website. She agrees to come down to the shelter to meet the cat. I bring the cat out as she arrives.)

    Me: “This is [Cat]. She is a bit shy.”

    Lady: “Well, hello there!” *pets cat’s head hard*

    Cat: *backs away*

    Me: “She prefers to be petted on her back, not the head.”

    Lady: “Oh, okay.” *keeps petting cat’s head*

    Cat: *hisses and spits*

    Me: *thinking she misunderstood* “No, no. Like this.” *pets cat’s back*

    Cat: *purrs*

    Lady: “Oh, okay.” *pets cat’s head*

    Cat: *runs away*

    Me: “You know, maybe this isn’t the pet for you…”

    Dog-Gone Cruelty Will Make Your Dogs Gone

    | IA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Pets & Animals, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I work at a shelter, mostly doing paperwork. To drop off an animal with us there is a $20 surrender fee. This information is posted right on the door. People often try to get around the fee. They will either tie animals to the front door, leave them in a box, or take them around back and drop them over the five-foot high fence surrounding the exercise yard. One morning a member of staff finds two fluffy toy breeds wandering around the yard. One is limping, presumably from the drop. Any stray not claimed in two weeks is spayed/neutered, health checked, given shots, then placed up for adoption. These two are not claimed and are quickly adopted into new homes. Five weeks after they have been dropped off…)

    Customer: “I’m here to pick up my dogs.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. Can you tell me, what is the name on your application papers?”

    Customer: “Oh, I didn’t fill any of those out last time I was here. I was in too big of a hurry. Just tell me what the cost is so I can get my dogs and go home.”

    Me: “Okay. Why don’t you go to the back and look at the dogs. I’ll get the paperwork started then?”

    (In a few minutes, the customer comes storming back.)

    Customer: “WHERE ARE MY DOGS?! What kind of boarding kennel is this, giving away my dogs?”

    Me: “I’m not understanding you, ma’am. What do you mean?”

    Customer: “The lady back there said my dogs aren’t here. I dropped off two [toy breed] dogs five weeks ago when I went on vacation and now they are gone. Where are they?”

    (A light clicks. I realize she is talking about the two abandoned toy breeds that were found in our yard. I try to explain that we are not a boarding kennel, what happened to them, and that they had been given new homes. The customer does not want to listen to anything I have to say. After screaming obscenities at me for a good ten minutes, she turns and leaves. She returns later with a police officer in tow.)

    Customer: “Her, there behind the desk. I dropped my dogs off here at the boarding kennel. They made my dogs useless by fixing them and then sold them. I demand that you arrest her for damage of property and theft! This is the worst boarding kennel I have ever seen.”

    Me: “Ma’am, again, this is not a boarding kennel. We—”

    Customer: “Shut it. I don’t want to hear it, you stupid b****!”

    Me: “If you will excuse us for one minute, we will see what we can do.”

    (Motioning to the officer, I manage to get him alone in the back office. I show him the video feed of the two dogs being dropped over the fence. I make him a quick copy of the video and send him off with it. We return to the front.)

    Officer: “Ma’am, will you come with me down to the station, please?”

    (The customer smirks at me until the officer takes her by the arm and leads her to the back of his car.)

    Customer: “What are you doing? I want my dogs back! Arrest her, not me!”

    (They drive off. Later I found out that she was charged with animal cruelty for dropping them over the fence and letting them get hurt when she did, animal neglect for simply dropping them off and not making sure they would be cared for, and two counts of contempt of court for yelling at and spitting on the judge for siding with ‘that d*** boarding kennel.’)

    Whiskers Away From Fur-Ball Abuse

    | NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

    (I work for a small, privately owned, non-profit, no-kill animal shelter. We are full to capacity as kitten season is in full swing. A woman calls wanting to give up her cat to us.)

    Me: “I’m so sorry, ma’am, but we are currently full and have no open cages.”

    Customer: “So if I bring you guys a cage, you’ll take my cat?”

    Me: “I’m afraid I can’t do that. You see, we have no room for another cage.”

    Customer: “You can’t just shove the cat in a corner somewhere?”

    Me: “Um… I’m afraid not, ma’am. However, I can provide you with the names and phone numbers of several other local shelters that may be able to help you.”

    Customer: “Oh, that sounds good! Do you know if they’ll be able to take my cat?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “To save time, please only give me numbers of shelters who have room for my cat!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we are a private shelter, and not affiliated with any other locations. I wouldn’t know how many vacancies other shelters have at the moment.”

    Customer: “Well, why not?! That’s so unprofessional! You should know things like that!”

    Me: “I apologize, ma’am; I’m generally too busy feeding the animals in the morning to call around to every local shelter and ask how many open cages they have that day.”

    Customer: “YOU SHOULD! YOU SHOULD SPEND LESS TIME WORRYING ABOUT ANIMALS, AND MORE TIME HELPING CUSTOMERS!”

    Animal Attraction

    | MO, USA | Pets & Animals, Rude & Risque

    (The animal shelter I work at accepts volunteers for work. I am on shift with a volunteer, an attractive lady who is in her 20s. I am male. She is laying on the floor in the office, playing with a puppy while I do some paperwork nearby. The puppy rests his head on her bottom and falls asleep. An elderly patron who often visits the shelter to play with cats walks in.)

    Elderly Patron: “What a cute pup! Look where his head is!”

    (The patron turns to me and grins.)

    Elderly Patron: “Don’t you wish your head was where his is, young man?”

    (I almost choke.)

    Doesn’t Have The Balls

    | CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

    (I work at a spay/neuter clinic. One of my responsibilities is to explain the procedure to the customers when they drop their pets off in the morning, and give them care instructions when they pick their pets up that afternoon. I am explaining proper care of the surgical site to a young woman who has had her dog neutered. I lift the dog up to show where his stitches are located.)

    Customer: “Oh my God! Where are his balls?!”

    Me: “We removed them, ma’am. That’s… that’s what neutering is.”

    Customer: “Oh, no! I thought you were just going to… I don’t know, tie his tubes or something.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry if there was a misunderstanding, but I explained the procedure to you this morning. When a dog is neutered, we remove the testicles.”

    Customer: “Can you put them back?”

    Me: “… I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Can you put his testicles back?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I’m afraid once they’re gone, they’re gone for good.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. Well, where are they?”

    Me: “Where are…?”

    Customer: “His balls.”

    Me: “We… removed them.”

    Customer: “Yeah, but can I have them?”

    Me: “WHAT?!”

    Customer: “Can I, like, have them?”

    Me: “NO!”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “Ma’am, they’re medical waste. We have to dispose of them properly by law.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “Because… of the law.”

    Customer: “Okay, whatever.”

    (After she’s gone, one of the other techs confirmed what he thought he had overheard from across the room.)

    Other Tech: “What on earth do you think she wanted to do with them?”

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