(I’m a volunteer at an animal shelter. People can pay a small donation to come and see our animals. One day I’m returning a dog to its kennel when a customer approaches me.)

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I want to see your manager!”

Me: “Um, I’m just volunteer here, sir. If you speak to somebody in reception—”

Customer: “Rubbish! You’re just making excuses! I paid my donation to see your dogs and I can only get into one block. The other three are closed! I know you have more dogs!”

Me: “We close three blocks for the dogs’ welfare, sir. If you’re interested in—”

Customer: “I don’t give a f*** about the dogs’ welfare! I want to see more dogs! You have no customer service at all, do you?!”

(On hearing this, another customer approaches and gives the very rude customer a £5 note.)

Another Customer: “Here’s £5; consider it a refund. Because I can tell you, sir, they would absolutely NOT allow you anywhere near their animals with that attitude!”

(A customer walks in with two young dogs.)

Me: “Hello. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, these two dogs belonged to my mother, who recently passed away. Her dying wish was to have them buried with her.”

Me: “I don’t understand.”

Customer: “I would like them euthanized, so I can have them cremated and put into her casket with her.”

Me: “How old are they? Do they have any health issues?”

Customer: “They are two years old. They are healthy, but you need to put them down, now! I need them to be buried with my mother, so they can join her in heaven!”

Me: “Ma’am, we will not euthanize two perfectly healthy dogs.”

Customer: *while walking out* “Fine! You people are heartless!”

(I had helped a customer adopt an adorable short-haired tabby. A few days later, she comes back.)

Customer: “I’d like to exchange this cat. I’m allergic.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. We can give you a voucher and you’re more than welcome to look at the puppies we have up for adoption.”

Customer: “No, no. I’d like another cat. A long-hair.”

Me: “You’re allergic though. We can’t adopt more cats to you if you’re just going to bring them back.”

Customer: “You misunderstood. I’m allergic to this one because it’s not–”

(At this point she waves her hand in front of her face.)

Me: “Fancy.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “It’s just such a boring looking cat. I’d prefer something a little more fancy.”

(She waves her hand in front of her face again. At this point I’m trying really hard not to laugh.)

Customer: “Do you have any exotic *hand wave* cats? Anything *hand wave* fancy? Perhaps a Persian? I wouldn’t be allergic to that. Or maybe a Siamese? I’m not allergic to *hand wave* fancy cats.”

(We ended up taking the kitten back and giving her a refund, but she is eternally barred from adopting cats from us.)

(I am talking to a first time cat owner about the cat she is interested in. Another woman walks in.)

Customer #1: “Now, do I have to clean them like I would a dog?”

Me: “No, generally cats will bathe themselves.”

Customer #2: “Actually, you will want to bathe them. We bath our cat once a week.”

Me: “Well, we normally recommend you don’t bathe a cat because most cats really hate water.”

Customer #2: “We bathe our cat all the time and it keeps her clean.”

Me: “I’m sure that works for you, but with a new cat you don’t know. I really suggest that this woman does not bathe the cat.”

Customer #2: “No! You should bathe the cat to keep it clean!”

(After several minutes of her insisting this, I eventually agree and she leaves. After checking that she is out of sight, I turn back to the first customer.)

Me: “Don’t bathe the cat.”

Customer #1: “I won’t.”

(A visitor enters with a large cat carrier.)

Visitor: “Hi, I found a stray cat. They told me to bring it here.”

Me: “Ok, just stay in this room. I’ll get some assistance.”

Visitor: “It’s really nasty, it keeps hissing. I think it wants out. Do you mind if I let it out?”

Me: “Please don’t, miss. We need to evaluate it first.”

Visitor: “No, I really think he needs to be let out. Don’t worry!”

Me: *noticing the loud hissing and snarling* “I seriously advise against opening the carrier!”

Visitor: “Why?”

Me: “Because that is not a cat.”

(The visitor ignores me and opens the carrier. A huge, angry raccoon dashes out, hissing and growling.)