November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Trying To Level With You

| Murrieta, CA, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Liars & Scammers

(We have very strict rules on height requirements for our bigger rides that often create a problem with guests that are close to but not meeting the requirement, so much so that I bought myself a level out of my own pocket to get the most exact measurements possible.)

Me: “I’m afraid your son is about an inch away and will not be able to ride, but he does meet the requirements for most of the other rides.”

Customer: “You’re kidding me. This is f***ing ridiculous.”

Me: “I’m very sorry but it is a safety requirement.”

Customer: “Well, we JUST went to the doctor and the doctors said he was 56″ inches.”

Me: “Oh, my, it sounds like your doctor may have been eyeballing it a little, or taking a guess.”

Customer: “No, he’s doctor! He was doing doctor things! He said he was tall enough.”

Me: “Well, despite that we do have to go off of the measurements on our signs.”

Customer: “You have ruined his birthday! His whole birthday is ruined! We’re going someplace else.”

(The guest stormed off out the doors while giving me the evil eye the entire time. Once she was gone I turned to my coworkers and mimed shooting myself in the head with my level.)

Giving Haunted Houses A Good Name

| Williamsburg, VA, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(I am working weekends at a popular amusement park in one of the haunted houses. My scare is to run out of the shadows and strike a wall while screaming whatever I want, within reason.)

Me: *striking the wall* “YOU’LL BE ONE OF US SOON!”

(The girl at the front of the group screams and I hear a familiar laugh, as I reach my reset position I realize that she is being held back by a kid I’ve known his entire life. So I decide to do a second scare.)

Me: *striking the wall again* “DON’T LAUGH,  [Friend’s Nickname]! I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!”

(He screamed and bolted through the rest of the maze.)

| Langhorne, PA, USA | Unfiltered

I work in a relatively small amusement park just outside of Philadelphia. People come from all over to see the characters that the park is known for. While the prices are quite high, park employees have no responsibility for them and can’t change them at all.

Me: Hi! Welcome to [Park Name]! How can I help you?

Guest: You can tell me why the prices here are so f***ing high!

Me: Well, I have no control over the prices-

Guest: What do you mean, you have no control? Don’t you work here?

Me: Well, yes, I do work here, but I only sell the tickets, I don’t control the corporation that decides the price.

Guest: That is ridiculous! I demand you give me the lowest possible price!

Me: Do you have a coupon or a season pass? Or do you know someone with a season pass? Or are you the family member of an active military soldier?

Guest: ….No, but what does that have to do with anything?

Me: Those are the only ways to get a discount.

Guest: …I want the season pass then. At least then I only have to pay once.

She then proceeds to purchase four of the most expensive of the three types of season passes that the park offers. So instead of storming off in a huff like I expected, she spent more money after ranting about the high prices.

Guest: Thank you!

Me: [I wave absently] [to my coworker, I say]: did that just happen?

Coworker: I’m just as surprised as you are.

Child’s Play And Slay

| PA, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids

(At an interactive show meant primarily for little kids, the show follows the good guys tracking a bad guy. Near the end, they catch the bad guy and ask the audience what they should do next. This gets the kids excited to chime in. All of the kids here are under 10 years old.)

Announcer: “Okay, kids! What should we do with the bad guy now?”

Girl: “Tell his mommy!”

Announcer: “Okay, let’s tell his mommy on him! What else?”

Boy #1: “Kill him!”

Announcer: “What?!”

Boy #2: “EAT HIM!”

Announcer: “Okay, we are DEFINITELY not eating him. That’s illegal.”

Boy #3: “SET HIM ON FIRE!”

Announcer: “What do your parents let you watch?!”

No ID, No Idea, Part 17

| NC, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

(I’m working at one of the places in the park that sells alcohol and it is required that I card every single person no matter how old they are. A customer who is clearly older has come up wishing to purchase a beer but doesn’t have her ID and my supervisor is standing next to me.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but without your ID I can’t sell to you.”

Supervisor: “Unfortunately, she’s right. It doesn’t matter how old someone is. I saw a guy that had to have been at least seventy trying to purchase beer and I still had to card him.”

Customer: “I guess I’ll just come back with my ID.”

(The customer returns a few minutes later.)

Customer: “Your supervisor’s gone. Can you just pretend like you’re looking at something?”

(The customer then proceeds to hand me a football card.)

Me: “Ma’am, your ID has to be state issued…”

No ID, No Idea, Part 16
No ID, No Idea, Part 15
No ID, No Idea, Part 14

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