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    Child’s Play And Slay

    | PA, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids

    (At an interactive show meant primarily for little kids, the show follows the good guys tracking a bad guy. Near the end, they catch the bad guy and ask the audience what they should do next. This gets the kids excited to chime in. All of the kids here are under 10 years old.)

    Announcer: “Okay, kids! What should we do with the bad guy now?”

    Girl: “Tell his mommy!”

    Announcer: “Okay, let’s tell his mommy on him! What else?”

    Boy #1: “Kill him!”

    Announcer: “What?!”

    Boy #2: “EAT HIM!”

    Announcer: “Okay, we are DEFINITELY not eating him. That’s illegal.”

    Boy #3: “SET HIM ON FIRE!”

    Announcer: “What do your parents let you watch?!”

    No ID, No Idea, Part 17

    | NC, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

    (I’m working at one of the places in the park that sells alcohol and it is required that I card every single person no matter how old they are. A customer who is clearly older has come up wishing to purchase a beer but doesn’t have her ID and my supervisor is standing next to me.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but without your ID I can’t sell to you.”

    Supervisor: “Unfortunately, she’s right. It doesn’t matter how old someone is. I saw a guy that had to have been at least seventy trying to purchase beer and I still had to card him.”

    Customer: “I guess I’ll just come back with my ID.”

    (The customer returns a few minutes later.)

    Customer: “Your supervisor’s gone. Can you just pretend like you’re looking at something?”

    (The customer then proceeds to hand me a football card.)

    Me: “Ma’am, your ID has to be state issued…”

    Related:
    No ID, No Idea, Part 16
    No ID, No Idea, Part 15
    No ID, No Idea, Part 14

    A Dragon Cannot Be Killed By Fire Or Bad Parenting

    | Sandusky, OH, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

    (I work at a popular amusement park. A family with children comes in with their children. There are two boys and two girls in a toy gift store.)

    Mother: “Okay, you guys can pick one toy each!”

    (The one daughter picks a very pink and fluffy stuffed animal, while the boys pick a toy bow and arrow. The youngest girl picks a stuffed dragon.)

    Me: “Oh, cool, a dragon!”

    Little Girl: *holds up dragon* “Raawwwr!”

    Me: “Oh, scary!”

    Mother: *pulls dragon out of her hands* “Oh no, sweetheart! Dragons are not for sweet little girls!”

    (The mother then shows the little girl a more girly toy and everything pink. Next the little girl picks up a green dog.)

    Mother: “No! Little girls like pink! If you don’t get anything pink or girly you can’t get anything at all.”

    (The little girl starts crying and then the mother pays for the toys of her other siblings.)

    Mother: *to me* “One of these days she will learn her place. Only gay girls like those kind of toys she picked out. I am trying to get her more girly and into pink so she can be straight.”

    Me: *stunned silence*

    Listening Is The Ticket

    | NH, USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a family amusement park in New Hampshire, where gambling is illegal. We have a fake casino amongst our arcades, but it gives out tickets, not money.)

    Guest: “How do I buy these prizes?”

    Me: “You have to win tickets from the machine and use them to purchase the prizes.”

    Guest: “I can’t just buy them?”

    Me: “No, sorry. Game prizes are not for sale.”

    (A little later…)

    Guest: “I played all these games and I got tickets instead of money! You said I’d get money! Where is my money, you b****?”

    Me: “I’m sorry if there was a miscommunication, sir. I said you’d get tickets and that you could use them to get prizes.”

    Guest: “Is this a f****** joke?!”

    (He threw the tickets in my face, spit on the floor, and stormed out, dragging his very young son after him, who had seen and experienced this whole tantrum.)

    Stop, Look, Don’t Listen

    | Canada | Health & Body, Theme Of The Month, Transportation

    (I am leaving work in an unmarked uniform as I have recently been promoted from security guard to dispatcher. I still often help out our employee-access gate guards as the access gate can be very busy. I’ve just left our dispatch center where I had called 911 for an ambulance shortly before. As I get to the gate, there is a non-employee who is dressed like a plumber waiting for his daughter to be brought out from our health center. I can also hear the ambulance approaching so I start providing traffic control to allow the ambulance quick access to the property.)

    Me: *to an employee coming in to work* “Step to the side, please!”

    (The employee continues to approach without stopping and the ambulance is now visible with its emergency lights flashing.)

    Me: “Step to the side. SIR, STEP TO THE SIDE SO THE AMBULANCE CAN GET IN.”

    (The employee runs forward, only stopping when the ambulance almost runs his foot over.)

    Me: *stopping the employee* “Excuse me. Did you not understand me?”

    Employee: “What do you mean?

    Me: “Did you not hear me telling you to stop, and motioning you to stay where you were to let the ambulance in?”

    Employee: “Yeah, and I f****** stopped, didn’t I?”

    Me: “No, you didn’t. I’ll ask you again. Did you not understand me?”

    Employee: “Yeah, well, you were saying one thing and motioning with your hands. It wasn’t very clear. Why should I have to stop anyway? I would have made it ahead of the ambulance!”

    Me: “I asked you to stop, and you didn’t stop. Is there something that makes you special so that you don’t have to stop for an ambulance on an emergency run? Can I see your ID card, please?”

    Employee: “No. Who the f*** are you, anyway?”

    (At this point, I let him see my company ID card with ‘Security and Loss Prevention’ written on it as my department.)

    Employee: “Well, you weren’t very clear with what you wanted. Now f****** let me get to work.”

    Me: “I asked for your ID card. Please give it to me.”

    Employee: No. You didn’t make yourself clear and I shouldn’t have had to stop anyway.”

    (The man waiting to pick his daughter up has been listening to this whole exchange and chimes in.)

    Man: “Actually, a**hole, he was very clear about what you wanted. You were just a little s*** who didn’t listen.”

    Employee: “F*** you. What the f*** do you want? You’re not involved here!”

    Man: “He was very clear about what he wanted you to do. You were just a snot-nosed little s***head who didn’t want to listen. You’ve been nothing but an a**hole during this entire exchange.”

    (At this point they are about ready to exchange blows and every security guard at the access post is ready to jump in. The man then reaches inside his shirt and pulls out his badge as well as pulling his ID card from his pocket.)

    Man: “If it was up to me, I would arrest your a** right now because you deserve it. I’m already having a bad day and snot-nosed little brats like you just make it worse. So you are going to shut up and walk through the metal detector and go to work. I will personally be calling your supervisor to tell them what a snot-nosed s***head you are and that you chose to disregard the very clear directions of park security.”

    (The employee immediately showed me his ID, and then turned around and went straight into work without ever saying another word. Turned out, the ‘plumber’ was a member of a local undercover drug squad who had been called off surveillance to pick his daughter up after she got sick.)

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