Featured Story:
  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • A Dragon Cannot Be Killed By Fire Or Bad Parenting

    | Sandusky, OH, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

    (I work at a popular amusement park. A family with children comes in with their children. There are two boys and two girls in a toy gift store.)

    Mother: “Okay, you guys can pick one toy each!”

    (The one daughter picks a very pink and fluffy stuffed animal, while the boys pick a toy bow and arrow. The youngest girl picks a stuffed dragon.)

    Me: “Oh, cool, a dragon!”

    Little Girl: *holds up dragon* “Raawwwr!”

    Me: “Oh, scary!”

    Mother: *pulls dragon out of her hands* “Oh no, sweetheart! Dragons are not for sweet little girls!”

    (The mother then shows the little girl a more girly toy and everything pink. Next the little girl picks up a green dog.)

    Mother: “No! Little girls like pink! If you don’t get anything pink or girly you can’t get anything at all.”

    (The little girl starts crying and then the mother pays for the toys of her other siblings.)

    Mother: *to me* “One of these days she will learn her place. Only gay girls like those kind of toys she picked out. I am trying to get her more girly and into pink so she can be straight.”

    Me: *stunned silence*

    Listening Is The Ticket

    | NH, USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a family amusement park in New Hampshire, where gambling is illegal. We have a fake casino amongst our arcades, but it gives out tickets, not money.)

    Guest: “How do I buy these prizes?”

    Me: “You have to win tickets from the machine and use them to purchase the prizes.”

    Guest: “I can’t just buy them?”

    Me: “No, sorry. Game prizes are not for sale.”

    (A little later…)

    Guest: “I played all these games and I got tickets instead of money! You said I’d get money! Where is my money, you b****?”

    Me: “I’m sorry if there was a miscommunication, sir. I said you’d get tickets and that you could use them to get prizes.”

    Guest: “Is this a f****** joke?!”

    (He threw the tickets in my face, spit on the floor, and stormed out, dragging his very young son after him, who had seen and experienced this whole tantrum.)

    Stop, Look, Don’t Listen

    | Canada | Health & Body, Theme Of The Month, Transportation

    (I am leaving work in an unmarked uniform as I have recently been promoted from security guard to dispatcher. I still often help out our employee-access gate guards as the access gate can be very busy. I’ve just left our dispatch center where I had called 911 for an ambulance shortly before. As I get to the gate, there is a non-employee who is dressed like a plumber waiting for his daughter to be brought out from our health center. I can also hear the ambulance approaching so I start providing traffic control to allow the ambulance quick access to the property.)

    Me: *to an employee coming in to work* “Step to the side, please!”

    (The employee continues to approach without stopping and the ambulance is now visible with its emergency lights flashing.)

    Me: “Step to the side. SIR, STEP TO THE SIDE SO THE AMBULANCE CAN GET IN.”

    (The employee runs forward, only stopping when the ambulance almost runs his foot over.)

    Me: *stopping the employee* “Excuse me. Did you not understand me?”

    Employee: “What do you mean?

    Me: “Did you not hear me telling you to stop, and motioning you to stay where you were to let the ambulance in?”

    Employee: “Yeah, and I f****** stopped, didn’t I?”

    Me: “No, you didn’t. I’ll ask you again. Did you not understand me?”

    Employee: “Yeah, well, you were saying one thing and motioning with your hands. It wasn’t very clear. Why should I have to stop anyway? I would have made it ahead of the ambulance!”

    Me: “I asked you to stop, and you didn’t stop. Is there something that makes you special so that you don’t have to stop for an ambulance on an emergency run? Can I see your ID card, please?”

    Employee: “No. Who the f*** are you, anyway?”

    (At this point, I let him see my company ID card with ‘Security and Loss Prevention’ written on it as my department.)

    Employee: “Well, you weren’t very clear with what you wanted. Now f****** let me get to work.”

    Me: “I asked for your ID card. Please give it to me.”

    Employee: No. You didn’t make yourself clear and I shouldn’t have had to stop anyway.”

    (The man waiting to pick his daughter up has been listening to this whole exchange and chimes in.)

    Man: “Actually, a**hole, he was very clear about what you wanted. You were just a little s*** who didn’t listen.”

    Employee: “F*** you. What the f*** do you want? You’re not involved here!”

    Man: “He was very clear about what he wanted you to do. You were just a snot-nosed little s***head who didn’t want to listen. You’ve been nothing but an a**hole during this entire exchange.”

    (At this point they are about ready to exchange blows and every security guard at the access post is ready to jump in. The man then reaches inside his shirt and pulls out his badge as well as pulling his ID card from his pocket.)

    Man: “If it was up to me, I would arrest your a** right now because you deserve it. I’m already having a bad day and snot-nosed little brats like you just make it worse. So you are going to shut up and walk through the metal detector and go to work. I will personally be calling your supervisor to tell them what a snot-nosed s***head you are and that you chose to disregard the very clear directions of park security.”

    (The employee immediately showed me his ID, and then turned around and went straight into work without ever saying another word. Turned out, the ‘plumber’ was a member of a local undercover drug squad who had been called off surveillance to pick his daughter up after she got sick.)

    Trying To Take You For A Ride

    | USA | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

    (Our carousel has a height requirement: 45 inches and smaller require an adult with them. We allow 15 year olds and up to accompany a small child. A girl is coming into line with her little sister, who is not tall enough to ride alone. I don’t believe the older sister is 15.)

    Me: “How old are you?”

    Older Sister: “I’m 11.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. You have to be at least 15 to bring a child on. Is Mom or Dad with you?”

    (The girls walk away, and come back with their mom.)

    Mom: “You won’t let the big one go with her? She’s fifteen.”

    Me: “Well, she just told me she was 11.”

    Mom: *shuts up*

    The Height Of Unreason

    | AZ, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Tourists/Travel

    (I’m running a ride that has a four-foot height limit, due to the speeds at which it spins and the types of harnesses used for the seats. A guest is waiting at the front of the line with his daughter, who is clearly too small to ride. I am resetting all of the safety locks for the next ride, and I hear my coworker talking to the guest.)

    Coworker: “All right, sir, I’m going to have to double-check her height. I’m pretty certain she’s too small to ride.”

    Customer: “Oh, she’ll be fine. I’ll be sitting with her.”

    Coworker: “No, sir, you can’t do that. I have to check her height.”

    (With a bit of a cross look on his face, he tells his daughter to stand next to the measuring pole. She’s a good six inches too short.)

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir; I can’t let her ride. She’s simply too small.”

    Customer: “Dude, seriously? I’m right here. I’ll be holding her the whole time.”

    Coworker: “I can’t let her ride.”

    (At this point, he’s holding up the line, and the customers behind him are getting impatient.)

    Customer: “Dude, it’s her birthday and we just waited for an hour to get on this ride. Just let her go this time.”

    Coworker: “My hands are tied. She can’t ride.”

    Customer: “I’m not moving. She’s going to ride.”

    (He pretty much has the attention of everyone in line by now. I come over.)

    Me: “Listen, sir, I need to get this line moving. Just let me get this straight: you’re telling me that you’re going to willingly endanger your daughter’s life for the low, low price of a ride pass? Fine, by all means.”

    (The man goes red in the face before wordlessly picking up his daughter and walking out of the line.)

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