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    No Country For Confused Men

    | Edinburgh, UK | Tourists/Travel

    Customer: “Hi! My friends are coming in from America. Is there any chance I can meet them at their baggage claim?”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Unfortunately, you aren’t allowed to go through the gates at international arrivals. You’ll just have to meet them there.”

    Customer: “Oh, that sucks. Never mind.”

    (The customer begins to leave and suddenly turns back.)

    Customer: “Oh, wait! I’ve got another question.”

    Me: “Sure.”

    Customer: “What country am I in?”

    There Is Norway I Can Understand You

    | Trondheim, Norway | Family & Kids, Language & Words, Top, Tourists/Travel

    (A young boy, about 12, is walking around confused.)

    Me: *in Norwegian* “Where are your parents?”

    Child: *clearly British* “Why the heck do people here assume I speak bloody Norwegian?”

    Me: *in English* “You’re in Norway.”

    Child: “Oh, yeah.”

    You’ll Have To Connect At Baked Alaska

    | London, UK | Funny Names, Tourists/Travel

    Me: “Hi, would you like to buy a ticket?”

    Customer: “Yes, when is your next flight to Oregano?”

    Me: “Oregano?”

    Customer: “Yeah, it’s in America. I think it’s a state?”

    (On my computer, I find the Wikipedia page for Oregano.)

    Customer: “Oh…I’m not dumb, I swear…”

    Swords On A Plane

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Tourists/Travel

    (A man going through security is stopped when the x-ray reveals that he has a full-length sword in his carry on luggage.)

    Me: “Sir, what are you doing with this sword?”

    Customer: “It’s a souvenir. It’s not even sharp.”

    Me: “This can in no way go on board a plane.”

    Customer: “But it’s not even sharp!”

    Me: “You’re going to need to come with me. Anything like this, whether it’s a souvenir or not, should have been placed in your checked luggage.”

    Customer: “I don’t believe this! It’s not a real sword! And it’s not even sharp?! Do I look stupid to you?”

    Me: “You look like a person trying to bring a sword onto a plane.”

    Someone’s Sleeping On The Tarmac Tonight

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Top

    (Around 12:30 am at the airport, a young woman in her mid-20′s strolls up to me at the check-in counter.)

    Me: “How are you this morning?”

    Female customer: “Alright. How early can I check in for a morning flight?”

    Me: “Using the kiosk boarding pass printers, you can check in up to 5 hours early, but you won’t be able to drop off your bag until we open again around 5 am. What flight are you on?”

    Female customer: “My name is *** and I’m on the 6:30 flight to Winnipeg. My fiance just broke up for me because of an argument that’s his fault. He just up and left, so I thought I’s come here and see. We are still on the same flight, too.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Well, at least you are on separate reservations. Did you want to go later?”

    Female customer: “No, I just want to get out of here. Is there a bar or anything open around here?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but the only thing open is the Tim Hortons, which is one floor below us, and the Mac’s stores on either end of the terminal.”

    Female customer: “Okay. Is there anywhere to sleep?”

    Me: “Sure, just head up to the third floor. There are some very comfy chairs, and it’s nice and quiet.”

    Female customer: “Thanks…” *leaves*

    (About ten minutes later, one of my coworkers calls a guy in his late 20′s up to her podium. I overhear their conversation…)

    Coworker: “Where are you off to?”

    Male customer: “Winnipeg at 6:30 am.”

    Coworker: “Okay. You won’t be able to checkin until 5 hours prior, and you won’t be able to drop your bags until we open again around 5 am.”

    (I know where this is going, so I walk over to the counter and chime in.)

    Me: “Can I ask you a very personal question?”

    Male customer: “Okay?”

    Me: “Did you just break up with your fiance?”

    Male customer: *surprised* “How do you know!”

    Me: “I just talked to her about 10 minutes ago. She is here at the airport.”

    Male customer: “F***! Where is she?”

    Me: “I sent her downstairs to the Tim Hortons, and then to the third floor to sleep.”

    Male customer: “Where should I go?”

    Me: “If you stay on this floor, you should be okay. Just head down the terminal further by the other airlines. She won’t look for you there.”

    Male customer: “F***! We’re on the same flight too!”

    Me: “I know. Good luck!”


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