Putting The Scent Into Ascents

, | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel

(The x-ray operator sends me to search for an oversized liquid in a passenger’s carry on. She does the search required and finds an unopened bottle of 185 ml perfume.)

Coworker: “Unfortunately, ma’am, this liquid is over the size limit and cannot go past this point.”

Passenger: “That is not a liquid.”

Coworker: “What is it, then?”

Passenger: “It’s a scent.”

He’s Fully Armed

, | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Bizarre, One-Liners, Technology, Tourists/Travel

(I am watching the walk-through metal detector when two teenagers line up to walk through. The first walks through. It doesn’t alarm and he gets excited. Then the second boy walks through…)

Me: “Okay, walk through.”

(The teenager walks through timidly then stops and stares at me.)

Me: “You’re good to go.”

(He then looks at his arms in astonishment.)

Teenager: “Wow, I’m surprised these guns didn’t set it off!”

Giving Her A Little Flight

| USA | Bizarre, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

(It is 8 am on Thanksgiving morning, and I am at the airport to fly to my mom’s home in Michigan. This is my second flight with this airline. The last time, I had money on a card to pay for my luggage, but they said they only took cash. I go up to the ticket counter.)

Me: “Hello! I have a 9 am flight to Detroit.”

Worker: “Alright, your luggage fee comes up to $50. How would you like to pay for that?”

(I put my cash on the counter and smile.)

Worker: “I’m sorry, but we only take credit or debit cards. Do you want to bill this to the card you purchased your flight with?”

Me: “But the last time, they said I needed to pay in cash. I put money on the card specifically for the ticket. All I can do is pay in cash!”

Worker: “It’s fine. Just go. Happy Thanksgiving!”

(I tried to give her the cash multiple times, but she couldn’t accept it. To that worker, I am so very sorry for the mix up, but because of your kindness, I made it home in time to spend Thanksgiving with my family, and I will be eternally grateful for your kindness!)

The Real Government Would Take Your Money

| AL, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

(I work at a federal airport operations center, answering the phones.)

Me: “This is the TSA Coordination Center for [Airport]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “This is the federal government calling to tell you that you’ve won a $5000 dollar grant.”

Me: “The federal government?”

Caller: “Yes, you’ve won a $5000 dollar grant!”

Me: “This is the TSA coordination center; a government operated center. Who is this? What’s a good call-back number?”

Caller: *hangs up*

(The phone line for the next number in sequence starts ringing. Guess who it was?)

The New Boeing Tardis

| Chicago, IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month, Transportation

(I have to catch a flight leaving at about 6 am. I show up at the self-check-in counters at 5 am, only to discover that my ticket won’t register.)

Airline Rep: “Is there a problem, ma’am?”

Me: “Uh, I think so. I’ve swiped my passport, punched in my ticket number, put in my name, and it’s not registering.”

(The airline rep takes my information and tries it herself; the machine still doesn’t register. She looks at my itinerary.)

Airline Rep: “Well, ma’am, I think your main problem is that your flight doesn’t leave until tomorrow.”

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