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    Giving Her A Little Flight

    | USA | Bizarre, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

    (It is 8 am on Thanksgiving morning, and I am at the airport to fly to my mom’s home in Michigan. This is my second flight with this airline. The last time, I had money on a card to pay for my luggage, but they said they only took cash. I go up to the ticket counter.)

    Me: “Hello! I have a 9 am flight to Detroit.”

    Worker: “Alright, your luggage fee comes up to $50. How would you like to pay for that?”

    (I put my cash on the counter and smile.)

    Worker: “I’m sorry, but we only take credit or debit cards. Do you want to bill this to the card you purchased your flight with?”

    Me: “But the last time, they said I needed to pay in cash. I put money on the card specifically for the ticket. All I can do is pay in cash!”

    Worker: “It’s fine. Just go. Happy Thanksgiving!”

    (I tried to give her the cash multiple times, but she couldn’t accept it. To that worker, I am so very sorry for the mix up, but because of your kindness, I made it home in time to spend Thanksgiving with my family, and I will be eternally grateful for your kindness!)

    The Real Government Would Take Your Money

    | AL, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a federal airport operations center, answering the phones.)

    Me: “This is the TSA Coordination Center for [Airport]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “This is the federal government calling to tell you that you’ve won a $5000 dollar grant.”

    Me: “The federal government?”

    Caller: “Yes, you’ve won a $5000 dollar grant!”

    Me: “This is the TSA coordination center; a government operated center. Who is this? What’s a good call-back number?”

    Caller: *hangs up*

    (The phone line for the next number in sequence starts ringing. Guess who it was?)

    The New Boeing Tardis

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month, Transportation

    (I have to catch a flight leaving at about 6 am. I show up at the self-check-in counters at 5 am, only to discover that my ticket won’t register.)

    Airline Rep: “Is there a problem, ma’am?”

    Me: “Uh, I think so. I’ve swiped my passport, punched in my ticket number, put in my name, and it’s not registering.”

    (The airline rep takes my information and tries it herself; the machine still doesn’t register. She looks at my itinerary.)

    Airline Rep: “Well, ma’am, I think your main problem is that your flight doesn’t leave until tomorrow.”

    Flying Off The Handle Will Get You Handled

    | USA | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Tourists/Travel

    (I’m at an airport, and the flight I’m on has been oversold. The representative calls over the PA system for volunteers willing to be bumped to another flight, in exchange for a free ticket. I am talking with the representative about changing my flight when a man storms up and begins berating the lone employee at the counter.)

    Employee: “I’ve found another flight on [airline] departing in 15 minutes which would get you to your final destination half an hour later than your originally scheduled arrival. Is that okay?”

    Customer: “This is outrageous. My family needs to travel together. I demand that you give my son a boarding pass at once! Stop helping other people!”

    Employee: “Sir, as I have already explained to you, your son bought a standby ticket, while you and your wife bought normal tickets. Your son will not be able to board this plane unless there are empty seats, and we are currently seeking 7 passengers willing to alter their travel plans. Please sit down and I will call you over if that becomes possible.”

    Customer: “No! I was talking to you first; you need to deal with me now!”

    Employee: “Sir, I cannot help you if there are no empty seats, and there currently aren’t, but there may be shortly if you will just wait.”

    Customer: “I shouldn’t have to wait!”

    (I decide to speak up.)

    Me: “Excuse me, but you’re making your own problem worse. I’m one of the 7 people who might be willing to get off this flight, for which I have a valid ticket, but only if the airline can reroute me. This man was trying to do so, but the flight he was going to put me on is leaving in less than 15 minutes. If he can’t get me on that flight, I’m not getting off this one. There is only one employee here; if he is busy with you yelling at him, he can’t process people being rerouted, and your son won’t be allowed on this plane. If you want your family to travel together, get out of the way and let this man do his job.”

    (The customer walks off in a huff and goes back to sitting with his family, muttering all the while. Meanwhile, the employee speaks to me.)

    Employee: “Technically, sir, I have to instruct you to let the airline employees deal with the other passengers.” *pauses* “That said, I’ve booked you an exit row window seat for all of your remaining flights at no additional charge, and please accept these vouchers for meals valid today at any of the airports on your itinerary, in addition to the credit for a round trip ticket we had already mentioned. Here is your new boarding pass, and your new flight departs from [gate] at [time].”

    Putting The X Into Xmas

    | Australia | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem

    (I work at a small town airport where, every year, we have a small talent contest. Although I do usually work at the flights desk, I am on talent duty, announcing all contestants. The prize for winning the contest is a flight to a destination of your choice within Australia.)

    Me: “Thank you to Waldo the Wizard for showing us his amazing magic tricks. Now, for our last act, we have The Anonymous Singer!”

    (Claps of applause.)

    Anonymous Singer: *pompous* “Thank you very much. I will be singing my own person version of Jingle Bells.”

    (The anonymous singer proceeds to sing a very crude and racist version of ‘Jingle Bells’, leaving the audience and I in stunned silence.)

    Anonymous Singer: “Well? I demand my prize!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; I am disqualifying you for the use crude language.”

    Anonymous Singer: “I demand a flight to New York to show off my talent!”

    Me: “I cannot allow you to be in this airport. I must ask you to leave.”

    (He begins to sing the song again when an audience member stops him.)

    Audience Member: “Right, you’re coming with me!”

    (The audience member is about 6 foot, and looks like a body builder. He literally picks up the anonymous singer and carries her away.)

    Anonymous Singer: *screaming* “I’m never coming back! You will never hear my talented voice ever again!”

    Me: “Thank God for that!”

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