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    His Drink Is Not Refreshing

    , | England, UK | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    Me: “Afternoon, sir. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Umm, yes… I’d like a drink.”

    Me: “Certainly, sir, what can I get for you? Alcoholic or non?”

    Customer: “Do you sell green tea with lemon in a bottle?”

    Me: “Afraid we don’t, sir. I can suggest [Newsagents] just next door as they may sell it, but I’m not sure.”

    Customer: “Uh, okay.”

    (Ten minutes later, the same customer returns:)

    Customer: “Do you sell green tea with lemon in a bottle yet?”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, we still don’t carry that. I can make you a hot green tea and lemon?”

    Customer: “No, thanks. I’ll keep my options open.”

    Me: “Okay… Bye.”

    (He came back twice more with the same request all within the hour!)

    The Jewel Fool

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

    (I’m in the TSA pre-check line, since I have *paid* for clearance for such. Recently, the policy has been that flyers over 65 get automatic pre-check, for the most part. In front of me in the security screening line is an older woman, who I assume got the “elderly flyer” clearance.)

    TSA Agent: “Ma’am, you need to remove your jewelry to go through the metal detector. You can probably go through with a single necklace or ring, but not with the numerous pieces you’re wearing. If you have something really valuable, we can hold it within your sight while you walk through.”

    Elderly Flyer: “I’m not letting any of my very valuable jewelry out of my sight… It’ll be fine; just let me through.”

    TSA Agent: “We can’t really stop you from trying… Please walk through the metal detector.”

    (Of course the metal detector goes nuts with her piles of jewelry, but despite TSA’s requests to take the jewelry off or step aside, she continues ranting and raving and blocking the metal detector so that no one else can proceed. Eventually, they get her off to the side, and let people behind her go through the metal detector. I don’t remove my wedding set since I know that it doesn’t contain enough metal to set off the detectors, but that is literally the only metal on my person.)

    Elderly Flyer: “NOW HOLD ON A MINUTE! She just walked through the metal detector wearing a hunk of a rock, and you didn’t hold her up for one second. Why am I being persecuted?”

    TSA Agent: “Ma’am, she was wearing just one ring, and a typical wedding ring won’t set off the detectors. You are wearing several necklaces, bracelets, and rings. You don’t have to take it all off, but more than one necklace, bracelet, or ring will probably set off the detectors, and then we have to re-screen you. Again, if any one of your pieces of jewelry are very valuable, we can hold it while you walk through the metal detector, and it will never be out of your sight.”

    Elderly Flyer: “I just don’t understand why I’m being subject to such intense screening. I’m an innocent old lady!”

    Me: *finally snapping* “Look, lady, you were put in this line just because you are old. If you were even a few years younger, you’d be standing in a long line downstairs and have to take not only your jewelry, but also shoes and coat off, plus remove the iPad I saw you using a few minutes ago from your bag, and I’m going to bet you have liquids in your bag you didn’t have to remove, either. I paid $100 and went through a background check and in-person interview to use this line… You got here for free because you are old. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. If they asked me to take my wedding set off because it set the metal detector off, I would do it, even though it’s worth at least 10 times what all your costume jewelry is. Take your jewelry off, put it through the x-ray machine, and GET OVER IT.”

    (She stood there mouth agape that someone would tell her what’s what. The TSA agent at the end of the line, where I was retrieving my carry on, gave me a discreet high-five.)

    More Likely To Fly With Honey Than Vinegar

    | Houston, TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Tourists/Travel

    (My wife and I are at the airport to fly out on vacation. The weather has gotten bad, and every single flight in has been delayed. We are waiting in line to talk to a ticket agent about when our flight will be in. There’s a businessman in front of us.)

    Agent: “I’m sorry, sir, but every flight in the airport is delayed. I can’t get you on anything sooner than two hours from now.”

    Businessman: “That’s not acceptable! I’m very important!”

    (This goes on for several minutes, and the businessman finally steps away from the agent’s counter in a huff.

    My Wife: *stepping up to the agent* “On behalf of ourselves and the entire human population, I’d like to apologize for him!”

    Agent: “That’s nice of you to say! Thank you!”

    (We get our new flight information for a flight on our original airline. It’s about four hours after our flight was originally scheduled. We walk away from the counter. After about 30 seconds, we are paged back to the counter.)

    Agent: “I’ve found you a flight on [Competitor’s Airline]. It leaves in about 1½ hours. Thanks again!”

    (Just proves the old adage about catching more flies with honey than vinegar…)

    If You Fail To Plan…

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel

    Me: “Sir, in order for you to travel to Indonesia without a visa, you need to show proof to Immigration that you will leave the country within 90 days. Otherwise I would not be able to give you a boarding pass today.”

    Passenger: “I might go to Vietnam or Singapore, but I’m not sure yet.”

    Me: “Sir, is it possible that you buy a ticket now? To anywhere out of Indonesia.”

    Passenger: “How am I supposed to buy a ticket when I don’t know where I’m going to?”

    Me: “Sir, buying a ticket doesn’t mean you’re using it.”

    Passenger: “But what date? I don’t even know when I will leave.”

    Me: “Sir, you can buy a ticket with an open date or change the date later.”

    Passenger: “Like I said, I don’t know when and where I’m going to leave Bali. I’m a person that doesn’t make plans!”

    Delayed Reaction

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Technology, Tourists/Travel

    Passenger: “Why is there nobody to inform me about the delay?! I came all the way from San Francisco and now that I’m here you tell me there is a delay!”

    Me: “Sir, some people sign up for email alert from the airport or the airlines for possible delays.”

    Passenger: “Who are those ‘some people’?! I talked to everyone here! Nobody knew about the delay before!”

    Me: “Sir, those people who have signed up and received an alert wouldn’t even bother to come to the airport. People are here because they did not sign up and did not know there is a delay.”

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