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    The Bigger The Lie, The Higher They Fly

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    (The captain of our aircraft had stepped off to get some paperwork as customers were boarding. One passenger looked up front and turned to our flight attendant.)

    Passenger: “Why is there only one pilot up there?”

    Flight attendant: “She is the first officer. The Captain will be back in a bit.”

    Passenger: “Can they fly the plane with only one pilot?”

    Flight attendant: “The other pilot will be back in a moment. He is taking care of some paperwork.”

    Passenger: “Why are there two seats if there is only one pilot?”

    Flight attendant: *gives up* “Well, sir… actually, she is just setting up the airplane and telling it where to go. In a few moments, she’ll push the start button and leave. The plane will fly us all the way there with no pilot at all.”

    Passenger: “Oh! That’s neat!” sits down, apparently satisfied*

    A Tasty Threat

    | San Juan, Puerto Rico |

    (At the security checkpoint, I observed a man walking up to the checkpoint with his luggage and a Tupperware container full of soup.)

    Agent: “Sir, you can’t take that beyond this point.”

    Customer: “But it’s my soup!”

    Agent: “Sir, you can’t take a container bigger than 3 ounces.”

    Customer: “But it’s my soup!

    Agent: “I’m sorry, but you either have to eat it here or throw it away.”

    Customer: “But…it’s delicious food!”

    Come Fly The Stupid Skies

    | New York, NY, USA |

    (I was flying in first class when two women sitting across the aisle from me buzzed the flight attendant.)

    Flight Attendant: “What can I help you with?”

    Passenger #1: “The plane seems to be shaking a lot, and I almost spilled my bottle of water.”

    Passenger #2: “Yeah, and it’s also really noisy. We can barely hear each other talk.”

    Flight Attendant: “Well, the shaking is the turbulence that the plane is flying through, and the noise is coming from the engines.”

    Passenger #2: “Can’t you turn off the engines?”

    Customer Of The Week: The Smoker

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Old Comics

    Customer Of The Week:  The Smoker
    Created by our friends at Quitting Time

    Original Story

    Not-So-Friendly Skies

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, when does the non-smoking sign go off?”

    Me: “It doesn’t. You’re not allowed to smoke on this flight.”

    Customer: “But it’s lit up! The seatbelt light turns off, and I think I need a smoke.”

    Me: “You’re not allowed to smoke on an airplane.”

    Customer: “I can’t just go outside and smoke, can I? *points to an emergency exit*

    Me: “Er…good luck with that….”

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