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    Don’t Kick Up A Fuss If Your Heart Isn’t In It

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | Top

    (We have just landed. One of the passengers has suffered a medical emergency. Paramedics are on the way, and we’ve asked the other passengers to wait until the man has been safely moved from the plane. One of the other passengers speaks up.)

    Passenger #1: “What is this? Why can’t we get off?”

    Me: “Sir, one of the passengers has just had a heart attack. We need to get him off the plane before everyone else.”

    Passenger #1: “This is s***! Why should we have to wait? I want to get off!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. You’re going to have to wait like everyone else until we’ve taken care of the emergency.”

    Passenger #1: “Let us get off!”

    (Another passenger speaks up.)

    Passenger #2: “Hey! This man just had a heart attack! His life is in danger. Are you really so selfish that you can’t wait five minutes for him to get medical attention? I hope that if you ever have a heart attack on a plane, they don’t wait for you to receive medical attention. Let’s see how that works out for you.”

    (The man sheepishly sits down and the entire cabin applauds.)

    That Request Will Never Fly

    | USA |

    (We hit a bit of turbulence. The ‘Fasten Seatbelt’ light goes on, and the captain comes on the intercom to tell us all to stay seated and buckled in. Shortly after this, a woman hits her call light. I come on over.)

    Me: *bracing myself on the seat across the row* “Yes, ma’am?”

    Passenger: “Could I have a glass of water, please?”

    Me: “Ma’am, the captain has asked us to all stay seated for our safety.”

    Passenger: “But I wouldn’t be getting up!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the captain has asked us ALL to stay seated for our safety.”

    Passenger: “Oh! You too?”

    That Request Will Never Fly

    , | USA | Tourists/Travel

    (We hit a bit of turbulence. The ‘Fasten Seatbelt’ light goes on, and the captain comes on the intercom to tell us all to stay seated and buckled in. Shortly after this, a woman hits her call light. I come on over.)

    Me: *bracing myself on the seat across the row* “Yes, ma’am?”

    Passenger: “Could I have a glass of water, please?”

    Me: “Ma’am, the captain has asked us to all stay seated for our safety.”

    Passenger: “But I wouldn’t be getting up!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the captain has asked us ALL to stay seated for our safety.”

    Passenger: “Oh! You too?”

    (As I turn to head back to my seat I overhear her talking to the passenger next to her.)

    Passenger: “But I’ve seen them moving around in all sorts of weather…”

    On The Red Eye For The Red Nose

    | USA |

    (It is Christmas Eve and I am stewarding an overnight flight. A mother is traveling with her two young children, both of whom are crowding around the window.)

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, but your children will both have to take their seats shortly.”

    Mother: “Oh, it’s okay. They’re just keeping an eye out for Santa.”

    Me: “Oh how lovely!”

    Mother: “Are they looking out the right side of the plane?”

    Me: *playing along* “They might get lucky if they keep an eye out, but since we’re about to serve the evening meal, they will need to take their seats.”

    Mother: *totally serious* “No! They might miss Santa!”

    Me: “Uh… well ma’am I think you’ll be alright for the moment.”

    Mother: “But we can’t miss Santa! I want them to see the reindeer!”

    Me: “Alright, but if they want to eat their meal they will need to sit in their seats.”

    (I walk roughly two rows down the aisle when another passenger grabs my attention.)

    Passenger: “I don’t care how crazy that mother is, don’t tell them the truth! It’s the only thing that’s been keeping those brats quiet all night!”

    Not-A-Brainer Might Have Been More Apt

    | Auckland, New Zealand |

    Me: “We do have seats available on that flight, but if you were willing to leave an hour later the fare would be $200 less. Would that work for you?”

    Elderly Customer: “That’s not a brainer!”

    Me: *laughing*

    Elderly Customer: “That’s what the kids say, ‘not a brainer’. I’m going to use it on my grandson to show I’m hip with the kids.”

    Me: “I think ‘that’s a no-brainer’ might be more usual.”

    Elderly Customer: “You know what else the kids say? Go f*** yourself!”

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