Students Can Be Fired

(The chemistry teacher does a trick where you fill bubbles with methane, pick them up in your hands, and put them over a Bunsen Burner. It flares up, but if you pull your hands away quickly and shake the fire off, it won’t burn you. He lets us try it.)

Student: “Oooh, I wanna do it!”

Teacher: “Okay. Remember, once the bubbles flare up, pull your hands back and shake any fire off RIGHT AWAY.”

(The student puts her hand down without shaking it. Her hand has caught fire and she doesn’t realize it.)

Classmate: “[Student], you’re on fire!”

(Despite the water the student has put on her hand to shield it, the fire is growing slowly.)

Me: “[Student], you’re ON FIRE! PUT IT OUT!”

Student: “Oh, ha, you’re so funny. NOT.”

Classmate #2: “You idiot, your hand is ON FIRE! PUT IT OUT BEFORE IT BURNS YOU!”

(The student finally looks at her hand, now basically engulfed in flames.)

Student: “OH GOD! AH! AHHHHHH!”

(The student runs around the room smacking her hand against her lab apron, leaving a trail of fire behind her, as we all stare mutely. After 20 seconds, she finally puts it out. The teacher checks her hand and finds that the water actually did protect her from being burned beyond a few blisters.)

Teacher: “Well, guess who’s never doing this again.”

Student: “Well, why didn’t they tell me my hand was on fire?”

Classmate #3: “Fine, I’ll tell you now.” *starts to sing* “This girl is on fiiiiiiiiiiire, this girl is on fiiiiiiiiiiiire!“