(I’m at home, on Christmas Day with my family, eating dinner. Our number is similar to a floral shop in our town, so we’re constantly getting calls from customers.)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “WHERE ARE MY FLOWERS?! I ORDERED MY FLOWERS FOR NOON ON CHRISTMAS DAY AND I DON’T HAVE THEM YET! WHY CAN’T YOU PEOPLE EVER DELIVER MY FLOWERS RIGHT?! LAST YEAR, I…”

(I predicted a whole novel’s worth of stories, so I figured I would cut in…)

Me: “Sir! This isn’t the floral shop, you have the wrong number. This is *my number* and you just interrupted our Christmas dinner.”

Caller: “WELL, F*** YOUR CHRISTMAS DINNER!” *click*