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    So Dumb It Hurts

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Top

    (I work at a vet’s office, and am giving a woman and her three children basic grooming information for their new puppy. The conversation has already been going on for an hour.)

    Me: “… the groomers can do different ‘cuts’ or ‘styles’ for your dog, depending on how you want him to look.”

    Customer: “Will that hurt?”

    Me: “Will what hurt?”

    Customer: “Cutting him, will it hurt when you cut him?”

    Me: “No… it’s not cutting HIM, it’s just cutting his fur.”

    Customer: “Oh…¬†but will that hurt?”

    Me: “No… it’s hair.”

    Customer: “Are you sure it won’t hurt when you cut it?”

    Me: “It’s just like when you get your own hair cut. Does it hurt when you get your hair cut?”

    Customer: *looks confused*

    Me: “Okay… well no, it won’t hurt.”

    (I then go on to other aspects of grooming… clipping toe nails, cleaning the ears, etc.)

    Me: “… you can clean the puppy’s ears if they get dirty, or just whenever you give him a bath.”

    Me: *goes over the ear cleaning process*

    Customer: “Will it hurt? ”

    Me: “No… he may not like it, and may shake his head, but it shouldn’t hurt. Just make sure you don’t stick anything, like a Q-Tip, into his ear.”

    Customer: “Okay, so how do I do that?”

    Me: *goes over the ear cleaning process again*

    Me: “… and again, just whenever you give him a bath…”

    Customer: “Okay, how do I do that? ”

    Me: “Well, there are several different shampoos you can use…”

    Customer: “But how do I do that?”

    Me: “You mean… how do you actually give him a bath?”

    Customer: “Yes, how do I do that?”

    Me: “Just like you’d bathe your kids… the puppy’s small, so you can bathe him in the sink, or in the bath tub…”

    Customer: “But how do I bathe him?”

    (At this point, I look at the woman’s three children, and wonder how they’ve survived their mother.)

    Me: “Umm… you put water on him… err… you know, we have full-service grooming here, it includes a bath, we’ll do everything for you… cut his toe nails, clean his ears, trim his hair…”

    Customer: “But we don’t want to hurt him. Will a bath hurt?”

    Me: “It’s WATER!”