Sins Of The Father

(My brother brings his girlfriend home for the first time to meet our parents. We are all sitting in the living room, watching television. A scene involving the characters becoming intimate comes on.)

Dad: “I can do that.”

Mom: *scoffs* “No, you can’t.”

Dad: *turns to us, completely poker-faced* “Your mom doesn’t know what I can do, because she’s a real sound sleeper.”

(My brother’s girlfriend just looks at me.)

Me: “Yes, he’s always like that.”