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  • Should Have Stolen Some Military Intelligence

    | Albany, NY, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Military, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m working at the service desk of a large retailer when I’m called into the security office by the asset control associate while he detains and questions a female who was caught shoplifting. I walk in and the girl is obviously in her early 20s. She’s sitting there trying to force out the most fake sobbing I’ve ever seen. Her boyfriend has come in to support her, but at the moment he has to wait outside the room.)

    Coworker: “Alright, well, the police are on the way and the Store Manager is on her way up—”

    Shoplifter: “No! Please! You can’t do this! I can pay for the stuff!”

    Coworker: “Miss, you tried stealing $300 worth of electronics.”

    Shoplifter: “No, you don’t get it! I can pay for it! I was just… I wasn’t thinking! I’ve been really stressed!”

    Coworker: “Stressed enough to try and walk out the front door with groceries covering a blu-ray player?”

    Shoplifter: “Please! I can pay!”

    Coworker: “You had a chance to pay for it when you went through the cash register to pay for your groceries, and you had a chance to pay for it when you walked through the store again, picked it up and walked right by MORE registers to leave with it.”

    Shoplifter: “I just… you’re wearing dog tags, right?! What military branch?”

    Coworker: “Marines.”

    Shoplifter: “Please! My boyfriend is a marine too! He just got back from Afghanistan!”

    Coworker: “Really?”

    (My coworker stands up, opens the door, and looks to her boyfriend who is still standing there waiting.)

    Coworker: “Hey, what military branch were you in?”

    Boyfriend: “Huh? I just finished boot camp for Air Force.”

    Coworker: “Thanks.”

    (My coworker shuts the door, and stares at the shoplifter accusingly.)

    Coworker: “Air Force boot camp? Really? That’s cheap, miss.”

    Shoplifter: “SAME THING!”

    Coworker & Me: “It really isn’t.”

    Shoplifter: “You guys suck! This is so stupid! Let me pay for it! Don’t call the cops! Please!”

    Coworker: “Too late. Speaking of the police, your chariot awaits.”

    (The Store Manager decided to press charges as it turned out she’d stolen from other stores in the area.)