Semper Bye Bye

| Indiana, USA | At The Checkout, Military, Rude & Risque, Top

(I’m checking out a sleazy looking customer. He’s buying a gallon of milk. To not waste bags, we’re supposed to ask if people want their milk in a bag or if they’ll just carry it as is.)

Me: “You want your milk in a bag?”

Sleazy Customer: “Heh, heh. No, but I’ll take the milk in your bags. You got a boyfriend, sweetheart?”

Me: “Oh yeah. He works here. One minute…” *over the intercom* “Greg to the front please, Greg.”

(Greg isn’t my boyfriend, but Greg is one of our stock persons. Greg is about 6 feet tall and has been training for the Marines, so he’s completely ripped.)

Sleazy Customer: *staring at my chest* “I bet he’s a real pansy. I could be a big man for you, sweetheart.”

(I quietly take the customer’s money and give him back his change. Greg shows up to the front.)

Greg: *to me* “What do you need?”

Me: “Hey baby, this guy wanted to meet my boyfriend. He keeps talking about my…milk bags?”

(The customer stares bug-eyed at Greg. Greg, for his part, doesn’t even miss a beat. He just leans toward the customer.)

Greg: “Sir, the last man who sexually harassed my girl? I ripped him apart with my bare hands.”

Sleazy Customer: *turns and runs out of the store*

Me: *to the sleazy customer* “YOU FORGOT YOUR JUG OF MILK!”