Semper Bye Bye

(I’m checking out a sleazy-looking customer. He’s buying a gallon of milk. To not waste bags, we’re supposed to ask if people want their milk in a bag or if they’ll just carry it as is.)

Me: “You want your milk in a bag?”

Sleazy Customer: “Heh, heh. No, but I’ll take the milk in your bags. You got a boyfriend, sweetheart?”

Me: “Oh yeah. He works here. One minute…” *over the intercom* “Greg to the front please, Greg.”

(Greg isn’t my boyfriend, but Greg is one of our stock persons. Greg is about six feet tall and has been training for the Marines, so he’s completely ripped.)

Sleazy Customer: *staring at my chest* “I bet he’s a real pansy. I could be a big man for you, sweetheart.”

(I quietly take the customer’s money and give him back his change. Greg shows up to the front.)

Greg: *to me* “What do you need?”

Me: “Hey baby, this guy wanted to meet my boyfriend. He keeps talking about my…milk bags?”

(The customer stares bug-eyed at Greg. Greg, for his part, doesn’t even miss a beat. He just leans toward the customer.)

Greg: “Sir, the last man who sexually harassed my girl? I ripped him apart with my bare hands.”

Sleazy Customer: *turns and runs out of the store*

Me: *to the sleazy customer* “YOU FORGOT YOUR JUG OF MILK!”