(I’m twenty minutes into troubleshooting an internet connection.)

Me: “Okay, now right-click on that screen.”

Caller: “Right-click. It’s not working.”

Me: “Just make sure you’re right-clicking for a moment.”

Caller: “I will. Right-click, see nothing happens! Can’t you fix this already?”

(I realize that she is left-clicking on the page for nothing to be happening.)

Me: “Can you click the button on the right hand side for me?”

Caller: “You clearly don’t know what you’re doing because it’s not working!”

Me: “Do you know your left from your right?”

Caller: “Obviously!”

Me: “Look at your mouse.”

Caller: “I am looking at it.”

Me: “See the button on the left and the button on the right? Click the button on the right.”

Caller: “Oh it worked. I thought you meant your right!”