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    | Watseka, IL, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (The store has just opened, and the first customer in the store is a very elderly gentleman in an electric wheelchair. He approaches me in the hardware department.)

    Me: “Good morning, sir. Can I help you find anything?”

    Customer: *after long pause* “… I need screws.”

    Me: “Okay, the screws are right here behind me. What size do you need?”

    Customer: *points* “Hand me that box.”

    (I hand him the box, and he opens it and removes one screw.)

    Customer: “Now… I need protection for my screw. Where would I get that?”

    Me: “Well, the nuts and washers are all right here.”

    Customer: “No…” *doing air quotes with his fingers* “‘PROTECTION,’ for my ‘SCREWS.’”

    Me: “I don’t follow you, sir…”

    Customer: *talking under his breath* “… rubbers.”

    Me: “Rubbers?”

    Customer: *yelling* “CONDOMS, OK?! I NEED CONDOMS!”

    Me: “Sir, this is a farm supply store… We don’t sell those.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay.” *hands me back the screws* “Put these back, I don’t need them.”