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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Putting The Situation On To A Knife-Edge

    | Canada | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am a customer at a party store, picking up a Halloween costume. The store sells not only costumes, but also toys, props, things for pranks, etc. As I’m getting ready to leave, a gruff-looking customer enters and marches up to the counter.)

    Customer: *pulls out a gun and aims it at the cashier* “Give me all the money or I’ll blow your f****** head off!”

    (Frightened, the cashier starts doing as told, while the other customers are shocked and unmoving. I recognize the gun as not real, but sadly the cashier does not. The customer isn’t paying attention to me. I sneak over to a shelf, pick up a certain item, and quietly remove it from its packaging while he keeps yelling. Eventually, I sneak up behind him.)

    Customer: “Hurry the f*** up! I don’t have all f****** d—”

    (I suddenly shove the stage knife I have unpackaged against his throat from behind.)

    Me: “Drop the gun or I swear to god I will slit your throat right here and now!”

    (Shaking, the man slowly puts the gun on the counter. I grab it with my free hand, just in case. The cashier calls the police, and when they arrive, she explains what happened to them. They arrest the man.)

    Me: “Hey. Before you take him away can I show him something?”

    Officer: “I don’t see why not.”

    (I hold up the fake knife, turn it, and plunge it into my stomach. The fake blade retracts into the handle and does nothing to me. I show him the knife again, and his eyes widen.)

    Me: *in a singsong tone* “Plastic!”

    (The customer was taken away looking both embarrassed and ticked off. The cashier let me keep the fake knife and gave me a discount on the costume I had come in to purchase. All in all, a good day!)