Punch Drunk Love

(I’m at a party with a couple of friends, when we see a mutual friend of the host. Her boyfriend is being really openly cruel and rude to her. We see them arrive separately, so I approach to offer to help when it is clear she wanted to leave.)

Me: “Can I offer to walk you to your car?”

Friend: “Sure, thank you.”

Boyfriend: “You can’t leave until I say you can leave! You didn’t ask my permission!”

Friend: “Oh, why don’t you go bench press something, and leave the rest of us alone?” *to me* “Shall we?”

Me: “Certainly.”

(At that point, he reaches out and punches her hard in the back. I hear everyone fall silent, and I moved to actually hit him myself, but she puts a hand on my chest and shakes her head.)

Friend: “Won’t you excuse me?”

(She turns around and slugs him right in the face, so hard that he falls back into the pool.)

Friend: *to me, grinning* “Now we can leave.”

My Other Friend: *quietly to me, as I’m following her out* “If you don’t ask that woman out, I’m going to, because that was amazing.”

(That was four years ago. We’re getting married.)