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    Pot Calling (and Calling, and Calling) The Kettle Black

    | Hollywood, FL, USA |

    (Note: this phone call took place back when dial-up internet was more popular.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “This stupid modem doesn’t work.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “It doesn’t work! It’s stupid!”

    Me: “Well, to fix it I need to know how it isn’t working. Is it turned on now?”

    Customer: “How should I know if the stupid thing is on or not?”

    Me: “Well, there’s an on/off switch on top, and a power light. Is the switch on and the light green?”

    Customer: “Look, I don’t have time for all these stupid questions. I can just show you what it’s doing.”

    Me: “You can show me how the modem isn’t working?”

    Customer: “Yeah… listen!”

    (Suddenly, there is the loud scream of a modem in my ear. After a moment the call disconnects. The customer calls back a minute later.)

    Customer: “There! See what the stupid thing did?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, you told the modem to dial while we were already talking on the line. It screamed in my ear and disconnected.”

    Customer: “You see! This stupid thing does this every time I try to use it while I’m on the phone!”

    Me: “Sir, you can’t use modem on the same line where you are already making a phone call.”

    Customer: “What? I can’t have my phone line tied up every time I want to send a file! That’s stupid! This thing is a piece of sh*t!”

    Me: “Sir, are you able to make a new telephone call when you are already talking on that line without hanging up on the first person or putting them on hold?”

    Customer: “Of course not! Why would you even ask something stupid like that?”

    Me: “Well, your modem can’t do so either.”

    Customer: “That’s stupid!” *hangs up*