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    Posted: Picky Procrastinator Prefers Plethora of Paraphernalia

    | Valencia, CA, USA |

    Me: “Welcome to ****** ma’am!¬†Is there anything I can help you find?”

    Customer: “Do you have any glass candle holders?”

    Me: “Of course, what kind were you looking for?”

    Customer: “Oh, nothing in particular. Could you bring me a selection? The kids are kinda cranky and I need to get some towels.”

    Me: “Here’s about eight different kinds.”

    Customer: “Don’t you have anything tall and thin? I need something about six inches high.”

    Me: “Two of these are over six inches…”

    Customer: “Those are too plain. Can I get something with a floral pattern?¬†Etched on the glass, I mean. ”

    Me: “This one has an etched vine design on it.”

    Customer: “Oh that one’s too expensive.¬†It needs to be under five dollars.”

    Me: “I found a style that fits your description, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Great! How many of them do you have?”

    Me: “Well, it was in the clearance section, which means that more than five could be difficult to find. How many do you need?”

    Customer: “Five hundred.”

    Me: “… um, I don’t think we have five hundred of ANYTHING in stock.¬†We don’t deal in high volume. I can order five hundred of this item for you though, and have them delivered to your house.”

    Customer: “How long would that take?”

    Me: “For an older item like this, and with that high a number, it will probably take the full two weeks specified in our shipping guarantee. We’ll need to get them from multiple locations.”

    Customer: “Oh.¬†I need them by tomorrow. ”

    Me: “… what?”

    Customer: “It’s a big charity event I’m hosting, and I need five hundred identical glass candle holders by tomorrow. ¬†Plus you do free gift wrapping, and I figured I could save some money there. ¬†I wanted ones like I saw in another store but I guess you just don’t have a very good selection.”

    Me: “Not if you need five hundred of them at once!”