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    Polymorphic Pleasantries

    | Adelaide, Australia |

    (I am calling a Housing Trust tenant to arrange a new time for us to re-glaze her shower screen. The maintenance centre has just called to say this particular elderly lady has several doctor’s appointments. These conflict with her original appointment time.)

    Me: “Hello. This is [name] from [glazing business]. How are you?”

    Tenant: *chirpily* “Oh, terrible. It’s this blasted weather, you know.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that.”

    Tenant: “That’s alright, love. How are you anyway?”

    Me: “Alright, thank you. I agree with you about the weather, though. Anyway, I was just calling about–”

    Tenant: “Oh, yes. I am all dizzy, and my head hurts. And it doesn’t help that I’m allergic to the sun.”

    Me: “That must be very frustrating. I just spoke to–”

    Tenant: “And I’m polymorphic! If I go outside and change form, they’ll get me!”

    Me: “That’s not a good situation to be in at all. Anyway, I understand you’ll be going into hospital on Tuesday morning. We need to change your appointment time. Is–”

    Tenant: “I hope I win the $20mil in the lottery this weekend. Then I can move to Tasmania. Oh, the weather in Tasmania! I hear it’s beautiful and cool over there. Not like here!”

    Me: “Yes, I’ve heard that too.”

    Tenant: “Oh, you’ve been there? What’s it like?”

    Me: “No, but I do have it on good authority that it is definitely cold.”

    Tenant: “Oh, good. I hate being in this pension house. If I win this weekend, I will move to Tasmania and get rid of the pension. They can’t get me there, because it’s over the strait.”

    Me: “It would be wonderful if you did win. Can we come Tuesday afternoon to fix your shower screen?”

    Tenant: “Hang on darling, I’m blind.” *papers shuffle* “Sure, love. I’ll be home from the hospital by then.”

    Me: “Fantastic. It was lovely talking to you!”

    Tenant: “And to you, dear! When I win this weekend, you can have a share.”

    Me: “That’s very kind of you. Have a lovely weekend!”

    Tenant: “You too, dear.” *hangs up*