Police Work Is Child’s Play, Part 3

(I am with my boyfriend at a hotel, checking ourselves in. I am 21 and he is 23. I also have to list my date of birth to check with security details. I am average size.)

Receptionist: “Okay. Is this your date of birth?”

Me: “Yeah.”

(The receptionist looks bewildered, but still lists it down and gives us a key. We’re unpacking in the room when the door is banged on rather loudly.)

Boyfriend: “I’ll answer.”

(He opens and two burly security guards answer. One of them stands right in front of my boyfriend while the other comes to me.)

Security Guard #1: “[Boyfriend’s Name]?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah?”

Security Guard #1: “I need to see you. Now.”

(My boyfriend gets taken out of the room as the second security guard sits down on my boyfriend’s bed and talks to me. I am extremely nervous and concerned.)

Me: “Where’s my boyfriend going?”

Security Guard #2: “Manager’s office. The receptionist needs to identify him and then the police are coming. Now, we need your parents’ number. Do you know it?”

Me: “Listen, what exactly are you asking for? What’s he done wrong?”

Security Guard #2: “We just need some confirmation. The receptionist said you gave your date of birth.”

Me: “Yeah. I’m 21.”

Security Guard #2: *surprised* “Really?”

(He gets a walkie-talkie radio out. I can hear what’s on the other end.)

Security Guard #2: “Er, [Manager], how old EXACTLY did [Receptionist] say she was?”

Manager: “She said 11.”

Security Guard #2: “Well, I’ve got a young woman here who looks 18 at the least.”

Manager: “[Receptionist], how old is she?”

Receptionist: “She put her year of birth as 1992! That’s 11 years ago!”

Manager: “That’s 21 years ago! How ON EARTH could you think a 21-YEAR-OLD WOMAN was 11? To make this even more stupid, the boyfriend had to write his year of birth down, too!”

Me: “Seriously?”

(When we get downstairs, I see the receptionist looking VERY embarrassed and the manager frowning. My boyfriend is blushing.)

Security Guard #2: “[Receptionist]? You know every guest booking in writes their date of birth. That guy is not much older, so why would you think they BOTH put children’s ages?”

Receptionist: “I thought he was trying to trick me.”

(I almost laugh, since my boyfriend is over six feet, has a few days’ growth of beard and an incredibly deep voice. The manager is just so glad he wasn’t involved in a molestation ring or anything so he didn’t charge us for that night!)