Please Set Your Phone To Jiggle

(I’m cleaning one of the theaters after a show. The lights haven’t come up yet, so I have a flashlight with me. An old lady approaches me.)

Old Lady: “Excuse me, sir. Could I use your flashlight? I lost my cellphone.”

(I shine the light over to where she is sitting, but find nothing. Another woman, who is also assisting the old lady, comes up.)

Assistant: “Is everything okay?”

Old Lady: “I lost my cellphone.”

Assistant: “Uh-oh. Did you turn it off, or is it on vibrate?”

Old Lady: “It’s on vibrate.”

Assistant: “Well, here let me see if I can call it. What’s your number?”

(The old lady gives her number and the assistant dials it. I hear the phone ring, but keep looking around and am unable to locate it.)

Old Lady: “Oh, wait. I found it!” *reaches into her shirt and pulls cellphone out from her cleavage*