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    Please Don’t Feed The Customers

    | Boston, MA, USA | Top

    (I work on a dinner cruise. As I’m eating a handful of Goldfish crackers and I see a man yelling at me from the gangway.)

    Customer: “Hey! Hey you!”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer: “What’s that you’re eating?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Are you eating NUTS?”

    Me: “No, they’re Goldfish.”

    Customer: “Oh okay. Can I have some?”

    Me: “Are you serious?”

    Customer: “Yea, I want some. I’m so hungry!”

    Me: “There is food on the boat, sir. Just wait until you get on.”

    Customer: “No, but I want what you’re eating–those nuts!”

    Me: “Sir, it’s 11:00 at night, I’m working until 5:00 AM, and I’ve been here since 4:30 this afternoon. I have not eaten and will not eat for a while. So no, you cannot have my six Goldfish, as they are MINE.”

    Customer: “That’s f***ed up. I can’t have some of that food in your hand?”

    Me: “No, no you can’t!”