Please Don’t Cowell Back

(I’m working for a call center on a forced third shift night. It is on my third day of no sleep.)

Me: *still upbeat and cheery* “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. I’m sorry; our systems are updating, but I’d be more than happy to answer any general questions or concerns that you may have.”

Caller: *vindictively* “So, I got Mr. Ryan Seacrest on the phone now?!”

Me: “My apologies, sir, but my name is—”

Caller: “So, I have to talk to some little pansy **** **** who sounds like Moviefone to give me what I want?!”

Me: “Sir, if you—”

Caller: “So, I have to play with this Moviefone Directory to get what I want?!”

(The caller starts to randomly press buttons on the phone while continuing to cuss up a storm.)

Caller: “Are you still there Ryan Seacrest?! Did you hang up on me?!”

Me: “No, I did not, sir. I was just waiting for you to finish before I—”

Caller: “Oh,  so Mr. Seacrest has the nerves to talk to me?!”

Me: “Sir, if you want access to an account, I must apologize but with the update running here in the facility we are not able to pull up any account info. If—”

Caller: “I don’t need anything from Ryan Seacrest or Moviefone!”

Me: “Sir, this is [Company], not Moviefone.”

Caller: “So, Mr. Seacrest thinks he’s so smart!”

Me: “Sir, do you have an account with [Company]?”

Caller: “Who?”

Me: “Due to policy, I have been instructed that I am allowed to end this call. Thank you and have a nice day.”

Caller: “I’m not done degrading you!”

Me: *click*