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    Plastic, It’s Faaantastic

    | Hattiesburg, MS, USA |

    Me: “Hello, thank you for calling . We have thousands of rentals for 99 cents. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Uh, yeah, I just bought a movie from yer lil’ store, and uh, I can’t get the darn thing open!”

    (In our store, we have movies protected against theft by having a magnetic lock in them, so my first thought was maybe we had left the lock in.)

    Me: “Um, yes, I apologize. I think we might have left the lock in by mistake. Would you mind driving back here and–”

    Customer: “DRIVING BACK THERE?! DO YOU KNOW HOW FAR AWAY I LIVE?!”

    Me: “Oh. Sorry, ma’am. Well, I need to know if the lock is in there. Could you turn the case over and look at the bottom ridge for a little yellow tab?”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “Ma’am?”

    Customer: “You ain’t makin’ yerself clear, honey.”

    Me: “Okay, turn the box upside down so that you’re looking at its ridge. Is there a little yellow tab there?”

    Customer: “Oh, I see. Erm. Wait. Is it inside the box?”

    Me: … I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Do I need to open it to see it?”

    Me: “Well, if there’s a lock in there, you won’t be able to open it. Please flip the case over, and look for the yellow tab in the bottom corner–”

    Customer: “Uhm, yeah. I bought this movie called Babe. It’s about a pig.”

    Me: “Yes, I’m familiar with the movie, ma’am. Now if you would please look for the yellow tab?”

    (This goes on for about five minutes. By now, I’m getting extremely frustrated and I’m tired of being friendly.)

    Me: “Ma’am, is the movie covered in plastic?!”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “Well, have you tried cutting the plastic?”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “Ma’am? Did you get it open?”

    Customer: “Yes ma’am! THANK YOU SO MUCH!”