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    Piss Poor Pizza Poacher

    , | Burnaby, BC, Canada |

    Me: “Hello, *** Pizza, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi. I’m supposed to get a free pizza because you guys made it wrong last time.”

    Me: “Okay, sir, can I have your address please?”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Me: “So I can look up your credit… we file them by address.”

    (He gives me his address, which isn’t in the file. I try every possible means to verify his story, and am finally convinced that he’s lying.)

    Me: “Did the person you dealt with last time ask for your address?”

    Customer:“No, they just said I could have a free pizza.”

    Me: “Did they happen to give you their name?”

    Customer: “No, it was just some guy.”

    (I’m the only male manager at the restaurant.)

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but I can’t give you a free pizza.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “Because I have no record of it. I can’t just give pizza away to anybody who says we screwed up.”

    Customer: “Are you calling me a liar?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Excuse me?! What is your name?”

    Me: “My name is ‘guy-who’s-not-giving-you-a-free-pizza,’ what’s yours?”

    Customer: “I want to speak to your manager!”

    Me: “I am the manager.”

    Customer: “Well, haven’t you ever heard that the customer is always right?”

    Me: “Yes, that’s what people say when they’re trying to rip us off.” *click*