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    Picky Python

    | Indiana, USA |

    (A lady comes in with an 8-foot boa constrictor draped over her shoulders.)

    Customer: “Where is your cookie aisle?”

    Me: “No! No! No! You cannot bring that in here. You have to leave.”

    Customer: “Why? He won’t hurt you.”

    Me: “I’m terrified of snakes for one, and also, it’s a health code violation.”

    Customer: *walking closer to me, as I slowly back away* “That’s crazy! I’m not leaving, and you can’t make me. Plus, he’s not on the floor or touching anything in the store, so how can it be a health code violation? Now, where are the cookies?”

    Me: “It’s a health code violation because no animals are allowed in a store where food is served, unless they’re service animals, and that’s not a service animal.”

    Customer: “You’re crazy!”

    Me: *calling to manager* “Can you please come out here, NOW?!”

    Manager: *walking over* I’m sorry ma’am, you’re going to have to take the snake outside. You can come back in only if you get rid of it.”

    Customer: “I’m not leaving the snake outside; I’m going to get the cookies.”

    Manager: “Ma’am, you’re terrifying my employees and customers, and it’s a huge health code violation. If you would like, you can tell me what kind of cookies you’d like and hand me your money, and I’ll go get them for you.

    Customer: “I’m afraid that’s not going to work either. My snake here likes to pick out his own cookies.”

    Me: “…”

    Manager: “Then I’m afraid we can’t help you and you must leave.”

    Customer: “I’m going across the street, and telling the police station you won’t let me shop with the snake. This is an outrage, and this isn’t the last you’ve heard of me!”

    (We never saw her again.)